Hi All
i am new to the group and am really after some support/help/understanding.
Basically it all started when my son was around 14months old (he is now 4). I got in touch with his health visitor to raise conserns about his VERY LONG tantrums, they literally lasted all day. When a tantrum ended he would go straight into another, I couldnt understand what I was doing wrong nothing I did for him was right. The health visitor was very good to us and gave me lots of advise and coping techniques. When my son turned 2 his brother was born. (This made things 100% more difficult) my sons behaviours did not get any better. At the age of 2.5 he was referred to speech and language therapy (very young but the health visitor thought they may be able to help)
he had his first speech therapy and also had a child practitioner came and assed him at home. They both seen the same behaviours both on different occasions and in a different environment (home and the speech and launguage room). They made a joint desicion to refer him to a paediatrician.
My son was at a playschool and they was very supportive and agreed that there were certain behaviours that my son was presenting that needed attention. My son had 2 appointments with the pead. On the first appointment he just said he was very young and we will see him again when he is 3. The playschool then sent a letter (responding to the letter sent to them from the pead) in the letter the head practiontion stated that my son needed a lot more support then his peers and explained about his extra needs, they recommended that a education phyciatrist was put in place.
On my second visit to the pead he was very blunt and just told me that playschool was doing everything right and that he was happy with what was being put in place. We then went away expecting a EP to be put in place, but NO! all we received was a letter from the pead stating ‘we believe your son is following as per the pathway but we will be discharging back to The care of his GP until further info has been gathered. At this point I was an absolute mess, I don’t understand any of this, I spoke to GP, health visitor and the peads PA asking what this discharge actually meant and they all agreed it didn’t make sense that he was discharging him? I tried to get in contact and the pead never got back to me. At this point I had given up! maybe he is to young, maybe there is nothing wrong, maybe it’s just me!
My sons behaviour has gotten a lot worse for me to handle, he is a lot stronger now, he is a big lad for his age.
I then decided to try and carry on with no support from any professionals and just try and handle his behaviours. In the space of 6 months I became an emotion wreck, I am battling my 3 year old son on a daily basis and I can not seem to make him happy, I don’t understand him and I need help.
My mum very kindly had my kids for a weekend while me and my partner (the kids dad) went for a little break. In this time my mum seen a different child in my son, she couldn’t believe how hard work he was! She knew he was hard work and she has seen his behaviours but she had never seen him as bad as that weekend! (That’s the behaviour I have all day everyday, repeating him self, never listens, makes very loud silly noice, is very spiteful towards his brother, is nasty to the dogs, never wants to play with toys, won’t sit and play a game with me, the list goes on)
my mum knew how hard I was finding things and really wanted to help, she paid for my son to see a private education phyciatrist. The first session was awful me and the kids dad went alone, we discussed our sons behaviours, she suggested his behaviours sound a lot like attachment dissorded. ( I googled this, worst thing to do! I know! Well when I read what attachment desorder was, I thought No way!!) I informed playschool what the plan was and they agreed to contact them and help in anyway.
we then had a further 7 90 minute sessions with the EP with my son also being present. She then explained that he present a lot of autistic traits and recommend a multidisciplinary assessment. Went back home and me and partner discussed whether to go ahead with this (mainly for piece of mind) we decided to go for it!
i explained to playschool that we have decided to go for a multidisciplinary assessment and they didn’t agree, I was very shocked at this as they had always said that they also see the behaviours (not as bad as I describe but they definitely see them)
plyschool had spoken to the EP and explained the extra support that they have in place for My son and basically agreed that there are some issues. Then as soon as this multidisciplinary assessment was mentioned they decided to tell me that he has progressed massively in 6 weeks and all concerns are no longer there? I was then left with all this going round in my head and thinking I’m making a huge mistake and then the blame is on me again, it’s all my fault and I have made him this way!!
After a very nervous week of waiting for the assessment the day came and we went in for the longest 4 hours of my life. At the end of the assessment the outcome was that he is high functioning autistic and has high sensory needs (SPD)
i really thought that after hearing a number of professions tell me the reason behind my sons behaviours, It would be a big relief knowing that it’s not me and understanding my sons needs. But NO! If anything after recieveing a diagnoses I have just added to the things going around in my head!!
With my son only being 4 I think maybe I have made a massive mistake and maybe he will just grow out of it, I think by going private maybe I have just paid for a diagnoses and maybe there isn’t anything there, I think I am just a failure and I have let my son down.
I cant understand how my son can be this really ‘good’ child at playschool and not show any of his sensory needs to them but as soon as he is with me then BAM! We go back to tantrum after tantrum after tantrum!
I went to my sons parents evening tonight and there words were I understand children can mask there behaviours but you son is here 4 days a week and there is no way he can hide them for that long. If he was only here 2 days a week then maybe it would be believable to think he is just masking and lashing out at home!
I am so upset :( I just feel like they don’t believe any of it even though he has been diagnosed (obviously privately) I said to playschool if they feel that he doesn’t need additional support here anymore then that’s great and if you think he will go up to school with no problems, then again that’s brilliant, at least he can cope in that environment and his learning shouldn’t be effected! The reason for the diagnoses was more about his behaviours at home and for us as a family to work with his needs.
So there is my story, I’m sorry for the long post, I am just desperate for some help/reassurance/anything really :(
