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How can we promote engagement?

Jenny Butterfly

At my wits end. 

Our son (23) lives like a hermit, rejects all offers of help, refuses to engage with services and disgrees that he is autistic.  As he is deemed to have capacity, it seems that there is little help we can enlist.  

Can there be a way through?  Is there anything we can do apart from generally being supportive and available whilst providing a fairly decent environment here at home?  I feel as though we're living in some kind of holding bay here, waiting for a mythical Spring to come in which our son decides to actually come downstairs and talk to us.  

It's now been years.  :(  

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  • in reply to Robert124

    Yes, he actually does this.  A small but vital area of independence.

    He pops to the local co-op to top up what he gets in our weekly online shop.  Generally he cooks his own meals either during the night or when we're not around, although (as an act of caring) I do sometimes leave out special prepared meals for him that I know he'll like.  He won't come into the kitchen if anyone else is there and, if, for example, I'm coming up the stairs just as he's coming out of his room, he hastily goes back in there until he's sure I've gone.  :(  He also does his own washing, again during the night when there's nobody around.  

    His meals are always taken back to his room, even though we often invite him to eat with us or, say, watch a film or share a takeaway.  He occasionally asks me a question about food or shopping but is generally halfway back up the stairs, so's to indicate he doesn't want a long answer.  If I try to initiate a conversation, the door is closed and he either doesn't respond, as if conversation is actually painful to him, or he answers monosyllabically.  I keep things warm and friendly and will continue to invite him, but it feels as though he sees us as the enemy or else for some other reason needs to shut us out.  

    He has no friends (all eventually stopped coming round when he refused to go out), no courses or classes, no job or any other activities outside the home. 

    I'm also concerned that his benefits will be discontinued as we have no recent corroborative evidence.  He ignores all letters from dentists and GPs, has very poor self care (i.e. very mucky, in spite of washing his clothes as he never washes himself) and doesn't clean his teeth. 

     I'm finding it very hard to live like this.   How can I encourage more interaction or activity?   Services won't help because, of course, he would have to request it himself.