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Heartbroken 10 year old asking what is ASD/ADHD because of a teacher!!

rachaelwhittle01

10 year old son has come home heartbroken as his teacher told him off because apparently he was sarcastic to another child but when hes said he doesn't know hes doing it and its a side effect of ADHD shes told him he doesn't have it neither does he have ASD!!! I've tried to explain both to him as much as i can but has anyone got any advice or any helpful tips on how i can help him understand himself better 

  • I'm sorry to hear that your son is so upset, and about the awkward position you find yourself in.

    A teacher making pronouncements like that about a child's disabilities or conditions is simply outrageous, even if they are right about a particular example of behaviour. I think you should certainly talk to the school about this. Whether your son deserved to be told off or not, it indicates that the teacher has poor disability awareness and not enough respect for your son's, or the wider family's, right to confidentiality.

    I also wondered the same thing as the previous poster. Was your son really being sarcastic, or did the teacher misinterpret it that way? People who don't know autism well can take on board that autistic people have trouble interpreting other people, but often completely disregard the fact that misinterpretation happens just as much the other way around. Trusting non-autistic social instincts to give a correct "gut feeling" about an autistic person's social behaviour is an easy mistake to make, because most people take their social instincts utterly for granted and barely realise that they're even using them (at least, this is how I interpret non-autistic social psychology!)

    I don't know that I have much advice to offer about counselling your son, I'm afraid (no children, and my diagnosis came very much later in life.) Of course, you should emphasise that "labels" don't define him or make him a bad person, but, of course, I'd be very surprised if you don't know that already! If you do disclose more to him, I would emphasize that, while his condition might sometimes cause him to make mistakes, it can also make other people make mistakes about him, but that he shouldn't always assume that they are being nasty, and that he should always speak up when he's mystified about other people's behaviour. When I was a child, there were many things that baffled me about other people, and I was all the slower to work them out because I didn't realise that it was OK to ask anyone about them; I thought I'd just magically "get it" at some point like other people seemed to.

    Best wishes, I hope your son is feeling happier soon.

  • if he doesnt know when he is doing it, it could be something said in a deadpan voice..but when that tone of voice is innapropriate like when he apologises.

    An apology said in a flat tone of voice could sound sarcastic.

  • I don't have any tips on speaking to your son, unfortunately. 

    Has this teacher seen the official diagnosis paperwork for your son? It sounds like a meeting with them would be useful to clarify your son's diagnoses and to discuss strategies that the teacher can use to support your son, as well as others in the class. If he is seen as behaving inappropriately to others this does need addressing but there are ways to do this that could help your son to develop his social skills. Such as 'I heard you say x to y. Phrasing comments like that can hurt other people, it would be better to say it like this (insert example).' If the teacher continues to deny your son's diagnoses I'd make a formal complaint.