Morning everyone - this is my first reach out online so here’s hoping.
My son was diagnosed aged 4 with high functioning ASD. He is now 14 and was recently also diagnosed with ADHD. He begged me to get him some help and wanted to try medication as he was really struggling at school. We’ve tried ADHD meds since March this year. Initially they were effective at school however wore off before the end of the school day and by the time he got home caused an aggressive meltdown. By aggressive I mean mainly verbally - almost looking for arguments, defiance, bullying and name calling to all the family. This has also on occasion turned physical - with threats of violence to all of us. We’ve had to put locks on our bedroom doors (not his) for when his rages get out of control and it can get very scary. I feel terrible about having to do that as I’m aware how it could Impact him and it’s not his fault but he is now 6 Foot tall and intimidating.
My son has always had meltdowns during times of change or stress. He finds it hard to articulate his anxieties and they come out in meltdowns (classic ASD) the onset of puberty has just caused an explosion of this behaviour which can occur on a daily basis. The ADHD adds another dimension of impatience, manic behaviour at bedtime, impulsiveness and verbal attacks if he doesn’t get his own way. We’ve got a punch bag and we encourage him to go and calm down but quite often he will follow us around the house and just not stop raging.
My daughter is 17 and in her final year of A levels and my sons behaviour has a huge impact on her and causes her massive anxieties. To make matters worse my husband had a stroke 3 years ago and despite making a good recovery, we obviously want to keep the house as calm as possible.
I’ve done the courses, read the books sought advice from other parents of ASD/ADHD teenagers. We are with CAMHS but counselling was ineffective. Sometimes it feels like Groundhog Day and I’m now suffering from anxiety/borderline depression after years of coping (currently being treated and looking after myself which is so important)
I can cope when the behaviour occasionally calms down for a few days so at least I get to recharge my batteries (so to speak). But it’s when it’s every day that I struggle. Just getting him up in the morning is a nightmare and we’ve tried everything. But we are greeted with swearing and hostility on a daily basis just over normal stuff. We went on holiday in the Summer and he was so excited about it but he was the same there - even if we were getting up for an activity he wanted to do , he would still not get out of bed and swear and rage if we tried to get him moving.
I’m now sitting here worrying myself to death as he’s gone out for the day with friends “free running”. When we found out he’d been recently climbing high buildings and filming himself standing on the wrong side of the safety rail we were terrified. He has been grounded this last month and we hoped he’d see sense but we are torn about giving him freedom but risking that he will continue this reckless behaviour. He has promised me he won’t climb high buildings anymore but I’m pretty sure he’s just saying what needs to be said to get out!
We are just in the process of switching to a longer acting medication which we are hoping will ease the coming down phase in the evening and help more at school.
So my question is has anyone else had experience of using ADHD meds with both conditions? Any advice on how to manage giving my son the independence he needs going out alone with friends. He’s recently become very opposed to eating as a family and wants to eat alone and if we go out wants to sit in the car before we’ve finished. Is this defiance, impatience surly teenager stuff or Autism - not coping with environment/sensory issue. It’s so difficult to tell.
He is very clever, devious, deceptive, cruel along with funny, caring, talented and amazing company when he wants to be (not at all at the moment!). So any tips on this highly stressful phase would be hugely appreciated.