Diagnosis or not?

Welcome to the forum.

I agree with JoeChip's point; as your son grows up, new behaviours will emerge, he'll be introduced to new experiences which may be more difficult to cope with, and he'll inevitably move schools. Even if there's no practical reason for a diagnosis now, there may well be in the future, and you're better off being prepared for these things by having a clear picture of your son's conditions as soon as possible, rather than maybe getting stuck in red-tape and waiting lists if you find you do need a formal diagnosis later.

Autism and ADHD are neurological conditions, not just something psychological that can be "grown out of". If your son has either of these condition, then no matter how good his supports are, or how well he adapts to the world around him, his innermost thoughts will always work differently to the people around him. This can lead to subtle problems that can be confusing unless you know exactly what condition you're dealing with; you may see very well what he does differently to other children, but understanding why he does them is crucial for finding the best solutions, both at school and at home. Many people, including therapists and teachers, assume that all is well so long as the child is behaving more like a typical child, but the mental effort needed by the child to do these things can be much greater, because the behaviour never becomes instinctive or intuitive. Autistic people need coping strategies to deal with this, so it's important to know if this is what you might be dealing with.

The head teacher and support staff shouldn't assume that generic supports for children with developmental or learning difficulties, or even other autistic children that they've helped, will work for your son, and I'm surprised that they have so little interest in diagnosis so that they can tailor the support. Autism affects many different parts of the brain, and is very different from person to person; it's important to know, for example, whether reading problems are due to language deficits or problems with visual perception, either of which could be present in autism.

Personally, I've never really understood the "labelling" issue; someone who has trouble metabolising sugar is "labelled" diabetic, and I really don't see the difference. It's a diagnosis of a condition; just knowledge; it can be used badly, wisely, or not at all, like any other knowledge. The real issue is "prejudice"; will your son be treated by others differently because he has this label, or even treat himself differently because of it? Dealing with other people is relatively easy; you're not obliged to tell anyone that you don't want to, so don't. However, if your son is autistic, misunderstandings and prejudice may come his way anyway, simply because other people notice that he behaves differently. He'll notice their reactions and is unlikely to be able to explain them, and then it won't be long before he realises that he's "different" to the other kids (late-diagnosed adults like me can often remember this from as far back as primary school.) Being "unlabelled" will not prevent these things from happening, but will deprive you of an explanation, even as a last resort, when they do.

Welcome to the forum.

I agree with JoeChip's point; as your son grows up, new behaviours will emerge, he'll be introduced to new experiences which may be more difficult to cope with, and he'll inevitably move schools. Even if there's no practical reason for a diagnosis now, there may well be in the future, and you're better off being prepared for these things by having a clear picture of your son's conditions as soon as possible, rather than maybe getting stuck in red-tape and waiting lists if you find you do need a formal diagnosis later.

Autism and ADHD are neurological conditions, not just something psychological that can be "grown out of". If your son has either of these condition, then no matter how good his supports are, or how well he adapts to the world around him, his innermost thoughts will always work differently to the people around him. This can lead to subtle problems that can be confusing unless you know exactly what condition you're dealing with; you may see very well what he does differently to other children, but understanding why he does them is crucial for finding the best solutions, both at school and at home. Many people, including therapists and teachers, assume that all is well so long as the child is behaving more like a typical child, but the mental effort needed by the child to do these things can be much greater, because the behaviour never becomes instinctive or intuitive. Autistic people need coping strategies to deal with this, so it's important to know if this is what you might be dealing with.

The head teacher and support staff shouldn't assume that generic supports for children with developmental or learning difficulties, or even other autistic children that they've helped, will work for your son, and I'm surprised that they have so little interest in diagnosis so that they can tailor the support. Autism affects many different parts of the brain, and is very different from person to person; it's important to know, for example, whether reading problems are due to language deficits or problems with visual perception, either of which could be present in autism.

Personally, I've never really understood the "labelling" issue; someone who has trouble metabolising sugar is "labelled" diabetic, and I really don't see the difference. It's a diagnosis of a condition; just knowledge; it can be used badly, wisely, or not at all, like any other knowledge. The real issue is "prejudice"; will your son be treated by others differently because he has this label, or even treat himself differently because of it? Dealing with other people is relatively easy; you're not obliged to tell anyone that you don't want to, so don't. However, if your son is autistic, misunderstandings and prejudice may come his way anyway, simply because other people notice that he behaves differently. He'll notice their reactions and is unlikely to be able to explain them, and then it won't be long before he realises that he's "different" to the other kids (late-diagnosed adults like me can often remember this from as far back as primary school.) Being "unlabelled" will not prevent these things from happening, but will deprive you of an explanation, even as a last resort, when they do.