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Non-Autistic 10 year old hurting Autistic 13 year old brother

NAS37998

My 10 year old brother gets frustrated when my 14 year old brother laughs at him when he dies whilst playing this game called Fortnite and other games.

There was a big incident tonight where the 10 year old was swearing, calling his brother a retard, saying he deserved to die, throwing things and hitting him. It is so unlike him to act in this way, he has never acted like this before. 

When my 14 year old brother laughs at his brother, he doesn’t know the extent to how he’s hurting his brother. The 10 year old thinks there’s some malicious intent to it, but there isn’t. 

My mum and I have spoken to the 10 year old, told him to ignore him because my 14 year old brother only does it because he knows he’ll get a reaction from his brother. He used to laugh at me too but I kept on ignoring him and he stopped. And we’ve spoken to the 14 year old too but he doesn’t understand.

Please, can anyone advise us on what we can do to stop the 10 year old lashing out? 

Thanks

Parents

  • At risk of oversimplifying the situation, I can't help wondering whether, if discussing it isn't working, you could just keep the two of them apart while the 10 year old is playing computer games? Or are they playing the games together?  If so, telling the 14 year old that he can't do that any more unless he stops laughing at his younger brother could work, although it might well provoke an angry reaction at first. I've had some success with a similar situation between my autistic son and younger daughter, but had to pick my moment carefully.

    It's possible that telling the 10 year old to just ignore it could come across as if his feelings aren't being taken seriously, which could be why they're getting worse. No offence intended, I'm not suggesting that's what you meant, but again extrapolating from my own family's situation. My daughter went through a stage of not talking to me, because I'd unintentionally given her that impression while trying to keep the peace between them. It was hard for her to understand why her big brother appeared to be getting away with behaviour which she wouldn't have,

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  • At risk of oversimplifying the situation, I can't help wondering whether, if discussing it isn't working, you could just keep the two of them apart while the 10 year old is playing computer games? Or are they playing the games together?  If so, telling the 14 year old that he can't do that any more unless he stops laughing at his younger brother could work, although it might well provoke an angry reaction at first. I've had some success with a similar situation between my autistic son and younger daughter, but had to pick my moment carefully.

    It's possible that telling the 10 year old to just ignore it could come across as if his feelings aren't being taken seriously, which could be why they're getting worse. No offence intended, I'm not suggesting that's what you meant, but again extrapolating from my own family's situation. My daughter went through a stage of not talking to me, because I'd unintentionally given her that impression while trying to keep the peace between them. It was hard for her to understand why her big brother appeared to be getting away with behaviour which she wouldn't have,

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