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Another baby?

StacyBrown21
over 5 years ago

Hello everyone 

This is my first post on this platform so please bare with me! I have a 3 year old daughter who was diagnosed with ASD in July, currently non verbal and developmental delay, although amazes me with what she learns every day especially now she’s at nursery (sorry, proud Mum moment!)

My partner and I have always planned on having two/three children. Since my daughters diagnosis I have been doubting my decisions and thinking perhaps it would be very selfish of me to have another baby when my daughter is clearly going to need me paying a lot of attention to her. My partner is desperate to have another one immediately! 

I do want another child but I’m so scared that it will have a negative effect on my daughter. I don’t want her to feel she has been replaced, I don’t want her development/social skills to suffer. I took her to meet my friends newborn baby the other day and she was constantly trying to get to the baby (I think to hit him) and had a complete meltdown when I held him, so much so I had to give him back as I was scared she was going to hurt him, this was at my friends house so not in her usual environment but still :(.

Im not entirely sure what im looking for from this post, possibly experience from someone who has been through similar? Everyone keeps telling me “if you cope then she will cope” but I’m just not sure it’s that simple. 

Thanks for your input :) 

Stacy

  • over 5 years ago in reply to NAS38884

    Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.  Being a scot myself I understand that saying well! It is a very lonely road sometimes so I'm happy to have discovered this forum, it's lovely to speak to other parents/carers who are going through the same thing! Thanks again :)

  • over 5 years ago

    Hi Stacy , it does sound like your daughter was just being a normal toddler. Having a meltdown was probably more to do with being out of her normal environment. I sympathise with your dilemma, tho it didn't apply to me as I was quite ill thro my pregnancy & after. Also, being 39 at the time, I didn't want to put myself though all that again! Anyway if I did have another, it would have been company for y daughter-she has always really felt the loneliness of having ASD very deeply & maybe having a sibling could have helped with that. My friends who have kids with ASD & other children all seem to cope well with it. Things always seem to work out in the end. Old Scots saying- Whit's fir ye will no go by ye! Hope this has helped, even just a wee bit. Good luck with daughter no.1- it's a long road ahead, but there will be plenty of pure joy too! Sending you love& hugs.

    SuperbethiosMum

  • over 5 years ago in reply to StacyBrown21

    I think in the end it all comes down to what you and your partner want. If you want another baby, I'm sure you'll be able to make it work. Having a second child is always difficult at first. And I'm sure there are ways to prepare your daughter should you choose to have a second child. I think there might be books?

  • over 5 years ago in reply to Blank

    Thank you for taking the time to reply :) she was only diagnosed a few weeks ago and saw a paediatrician then but as far as I am aware she has no appointments in the near future with a specialist. Only SLT involvement. 

  • over 5 years ago

    I think what your friends are saying might be true. I'm not saying it will be easy obviously, but to me it also sounds like 'normal' toddler behaviour. (Hey mummy is not paying attention to me, but to another baby.) And she is not used to having to share her attention.

    And I think a lot does depend on your way of handling things. Does your daughter see a specialist? What does he or she about it?

  • over 5 years ago

    I think what your friends are saying might be true. I'm not saying it will be easy obviously, but to me it also sounds like 'normal' toddler behaviour. (Hey mummy is not paying attention to me, but to another baby.) And she is not used to having to share her attention.

    And I think a lot does depend on your way of handling things. Does your daughter see a specialist? What does he or she about it?