Anyone else?

Hello.

My 10yo daughter has been diagnosed with high functioning ASD. We did always think there was a few ever so slight oddities about her but it was never noticeable to others. And still isn't. She's very bright, no learning difficulties, academic and sporty. But her behaviour at home is appalling. At school she's ok, struggling a bit socially. She's possessive of her friends at school. To the extent that a friendship often runs it's course and the friend just can't deal with it anymore and rejects her. Two friends have remained but it's a daily struggle for them.

At home she will not share. Anything. Ever. She will not let her younger sister play with her friend without including her. But she'd never let her sister join her and her friend. She's extremely jealous and envious. Everything has to be measured so it's equal, even tap water. She manipulates her sister to agree to dodgy toy swaps. She bribes her sister to not have the same interests as her ie I will give you this barbie if you promise to not like ballet any more. The sister is exhausted.

She has hissyfits about clothes and food the whole time. The meltdowns I can deal with better, it's pain and sorrow and that makes you want to help so desperately. It's just the meanness that's unbearable. It gets worse with tiredness as the school year goes on. When rested she's pretty ok. When alone with one parent she's an angel, the nicest loveliest girl imaginable. And she says, she just really can't deal with having siblings.

We went to the local pool yesterday and a boy and his mum came into the changing room. He was clearly on the other side of this spectrum, non verbal, screaming about the bright light. Another lady, stranger to them asked the mum"are you ok". I started crying silently to my self. For the boy and his saintly patient mum. But also for my situation. Had I told that mum that I understand because my daughter has asd she'd have said "are you having a laugh". No one will ever ask me if I'm ok because our asd looks like spoilt brattiness to an outsider. 

No one knows what we deal with at home. My husband and I feel like it's our dirty little secret. We are exhausted. She has me in tears so many times a day. No one will ever understand the level of abuse she hurls, the anxiety she has, the depression, and eventually her deep wish to die. Does anyone have the same situation? Is there anyone out there who understands? Or are we just alone. And what do I do??? What is the help that we need? We're waiting for a referral to a paediatrician to start a behaviour assessment. But for now?