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Help with anxiety, panics & death

Fleece

Hi, I've just signed up to the community and hoping that someone may be able to offer advice.  My son has just turned 9 and was diagnosed with Aspergers last year.

My father died in April this year and when I told my son, he showed little outward emotion.  I explained it in literal terms that I knew he would understand and explained that it was okay to or not to cry, everyone deals with things differently.  He showed little outward emotion and when I tried to talk about it over the next few days, M basically told me he just wanted to forget about it because 'that was the best way to deal with sad things'.  Although I knew this wasnt necessarily true I didn't want to push him too much so made sure he knew he could talk to his dad or me anytime he wanted to.  Since then there has been a gradual build up of bed time anxieties e.g. 'Is gran going to die too?' 'What's heaven like?' 'Why do people have to die?'.  Unfortunately though, things have gotten a whole lot worse over the last 2 weeks - M scratched his leg on a rose bush recently and immediately started to panic - he's convinced himself he's been poisoned and is going to die at any moment - up to 30 times a day he's asking both of us (and his teachers) to check his heart to make sure it's beating properly, this then goes on to his pulse which we have to check on both wrists, both sides of his neck and his temples.  We continue to pretend to check these and reassure he's perfectly fine but there's no convincing him. He asks 'how do you know, you're not a doctor?' or gets really distressed and says 'just tell me the truth - I know you're lying so I wont worry!'.  As he had an appointment about something else anyway, I even got the Doctor to give him the once over.  She checked his scratch, then checked his heart etc. and although he seemed convinced at the time, he reverted back to his anxious state within a couple of days.  He has actually said now, that's since grandad died he's really worried about who's going to be next.  His anxiety has moved on now and he really worries about going to school as he doesnt want to leave me alone - in case one of us dies during the school day!  Has anyone else been through similar issues and if so, can you give me any advice?

Thank you!

Parents

  • I can't offer any specific advice other than CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, available through mental health team. You can get a referral from GP, as this is a psychological issue. I have aspergers and can relate to your son's concerns. I am a hypochondriac, meaning I get bad health anxiety, worrying about getting serious illnesses and being in a vulnerable state. I fear losing control. I have had these fears since childhood, but they have taken different forms. When I was your son's age, the mad cow disease scare was in the news. My parents told me to avoid beef. I was having school dinners at the time and kept on asking for reassurance from the dinner ladies that the sausages did not have beef in them. I was told they just contained turkey. I ate them but was then convinced I would get mad cow disease and die, and I spent the lunch-time crying by myself in a corner of the playground. I have recently had CBT about my contamination fears, but really I should have got help far earlier. I think my phobias have developed due to taking things very literally and seeing things in a very black and white way. I am aware I have this problem but this does not make it any easier.

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  • I can't offer any specific advice other than CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, available through mental health team. You can get a referral from GP, as this is a psychological issue. I have aspergers and can relate to your son's concerns. I am a hypochondriac, meaning I get bad health anxiety, worrying about getting serious illnesses and being in a vulnerable state. I fear losing control. I have had these fears since childhood, but they have taken different forms. When I was your son's age, the mad cow disease scare was in the news. My parents told me to avoid beef. I was having school dinners at the time and kept on asking for reassurance from the dinner ladies that the sausages did not have beef in them. I was told they just contained turkey. I ate them but was then convinced I would get mad cow disease and die, and I spent the lunch-time crying by myself in a corner of the playground. I have recently had CBT about my contamination fears, but really I should have got help far earlier. I think my phobias have developed due to taking things very literally and seeing things in a very black and white way. I am aware I have this problem but this does not make it any easier.

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