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Help with sleep?

ShamD

Hi there, I am hoping for some advice on how to help my son to sleep, please.  He has not been diagnosed with ASD, but is starting the assessment process with an observation at school tomorrow. He regularly struggles to fall asleep, sometimes he can say that there is something specific troubling him, but often he simply can’t fall asleep. His official bedtime is 8pm, but often he is still awake past 10pm. We have had a bedtime routine for a long time, have just started using a checklist schedule.  We’ve tried allowing him to read for a while, and some visualisation techniques, but his mind wanders and he ends up telling some complicated story about what the sheep he’s meant to be counting are up to! Tonight I ended up just lying in bed with him until he fell asleep. 

What techniques do you use to help your children / yourselves fall asleep?

  • in reply to Endymion

    Thank you very much for this, we already do quite a lot of it, but will look into lighting - at the minute we only really have the overhead lights, so can’t really dim the lighting, so may have to invest in some lamps. Noise is perhaps an issue, too - it seems as soon as it’s time to go up to bed, both my son and his younger sister become crazy hyper and start running around and shouting. Which often leads to my husband or sometimes me becoming cross and shouting at them to calm down. Which is a ridiculous thing to do, i know, and never going to work.  We already have a ‘no screens after tea’ rule, but perhaps we need to work on winding down in other ways, too. Thank you again.

  • in reply to ) (

    X()X   

    I think some of these threads help me too tbh, they remind me of things I thought I'd forgotten such as when the girls were all small. Reminds me that I used to be a lot more busy and capable than I sometimes feel nowadays. Or maybe it's just what frazzled looks like from a distance of so many years   : )    I do remember, at the time, I called that particular parenting technique 'Boring Them To Sleep'. Funnily, they seem to remember it as being 'Cosy'd To Sleep'. Perspective is a strange thing!   

  • in reply to Endymion

    Dear Endymion you are so great, you have explained exactly what works for you and yours, It makes so much sense as well, I hope it helps out many who are struggling,

    nothing else to say except thank you for being you, kind and caring.

    x()x

  • For myself, I haven't Found a technique that consistently works yet.

    For my children though, not prone to worries about forthcoming social events or the state of their finances, I found the technique that worked best with them was boredom.

    Seriously though, starting a wind-down period at least an hour before bedtime allows their little brain to calm down from the days events and gently helps them to relax enough to sleep, especially if that hour follows a calm, predictable routine. So, for an 8pm bedtime I'd suggest:

    6.30pm - tell him that it's half an hour to Quiet Time and so after this game / TV show / bug hunt, It's time to pack things away / switch off / come indoors - using your normal talking volume.

    7pm - for the next hour speak quietly, calmly, like a bedtime story voice, and turn off all TV's, devices etc so that the house is quieter and calm. If possible, turn off overhead lights too and draw the curtains in the rooms your son is using, including the bathroom. A bath at this time is ideal for calming things down but even if it's not bath night, it's still time to get into pyjamas. Only quiet toys or books are allowed after that and it's a good idea to set a timer (nothing with a loud, shrieking alarm!!) for 7.45pm and give them a warm drink and a light non-sugary snack.

    7.45pm - time for the toilet and teeth and "Where's my ???" routine so that by 8pm he's actually in bed with the curtains already having been drawn earlier and only a dim lamp or night-light on. No action / noisy toys nearby but as many soft / quiet toys and books as he likes and a bottle of room-temperature water. Maybe a pen and paper too, so that he can write down those all-important night-time questions. Limit the bedtime story to no more than 10-minutes so that you're leaving the room no later than 8.15pm. 

    If you're called, or he gets up, after that try to answer any and ALL 'important questions' with "Hmm" "Shh" or a whispered short "That's a question for tomorrow.". If that, or something similarly quiet (and, well, boring) becomes the normal routine then in my experience not only is the child calm and relaxed enough to sleep but they have no incentive to extend it any longer than it already is. My daughters did try to test it a few time, so be prepared for that, but they did eventually settle down. They didn't always sleep straight away, sometimes they were awake reading in bed for an hour after I left the room, but they were sleeping earlier and stopped calling or coming back downstairs once they realised it didn't achieve any extra attention / amusement / interaction. 

    In short, quiet, calm, dimly-lit slow-onset boredom with the heat from a bath and / or warm drink and a wee full tummy. Oh, and if your son is old enough it's a good idea to explain this new routine to him in advance.