Relationship issues

Hi.  I am new to this forum.  I was just wondering if anyone with a child with ASD has problems in their relationship. We constantly fight and argue.  My husband says he is the only one that keeps our family going as he 'does everything'. He has developed OCD and anxiety since my son was diagnosed with Autism and its getting out of control.

He is obsessed with tidying which is a huge problem as my son is messy so he goes around the house constantly tidying up after our son.  He doesnt get any further forward though as my son goes from room to room making a mess. My husband expects me to constantly tidy up also but its exhausting and I have other things that have to be done in the house, as well as a daughter to spend time with.

My husband wont get help.  Ive asked him to go on medication to calm him down with his OCD and anxiety or to have counselling but he refuses.  He says we need to get our son sorted with medication for his ADHD and then he will feel better but we are still trying to get the right medication for my son 20 months later.

Ive had to change my life by going on anti depressants and having months of counselling to get by every day but my husband refuses to change and adapt.  He says he has no life yet hes so stubborn and wont help himself, or our family.

I think I could cope much better just me and my son and daughter but I cant afford to move out and have nowhere else to go.

Parents
  • He has developed OCD and anxiety since my son was diagnosed with Autism and its getting out of control.

    Hi Rainbow

    OCD = the need for control and order ...

    Does this then try to counteract his sense of being at a loss and fear and uncertainty regarding how to process and deal with the ASD diagnosis...he cannot change the diagnosis, but he can change his environment by putting that in order.

    the OCD is a way if trying to manage his anxiety and sense of lack of agency in what is happening.

    does that make sense?

  • Thank you for this.  Yes thst does make sense.  He did say to me before that he cant control Luke so he has to feel like he has control in other ways.

    Its just when he shouts and snaps at me I find it really annoying as if he does everything and I do nothing.  I dont understand why he wont try to help himself. Hes in a mood all the time and theres just no talking to him. Medication would really help to calm him down, he just refuses.

  • I think he’s craving practical help and strategies first

Reply Children
  • Yes you are right. He has told me today that if my son was calmer he would be, but it could take months to get my sons behaviours and anxiety more under control.

    I just think he could help himself in the meantime.  I told him I have my sons ASD to deal with aswell as his OCD and anxiety and he said I was selfish as he thinks I only want him to get help for me and not for himself, which isnt the case.