Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I am a mother of a 12 year old extremely high functioning aspie. For the past 2 weeks he has been complaining of being ill. He did have a slight cold but nothing some paracetamol wouldn't cure. He has missed a whole week of school as he says he doesn't feel up to it. He is complaining of a headache, so I have been to the optitions. Other than this he is just saying he isn't feeling well but can't explain what's wrong. I am considering taking him to our GP but my concern there is he can't explain what's actually wrong. I'm not sure if this is medical or psychological!! As my son does not understand his body, he just doesn't know how to deal or express with illness. I can't actually find anything wrong with him. He's off his food lately, not that he eats much anyway! He was out all day with his dad yesterday and was fine. Today he's back in his bed saying he's unwell!
I have no idea how what to do. I was just wondering if any other parents have been through this, or if there are any individuals with ASD who experience this themselves and have a better understanding than me!
I have found in the past that when my son becomes anxious over something he displays it with feeling unwell, feeling sick, headache etc. Usually I can unpick the anxiety and get to the root of the problem. This is different this time and I am at a complete loss!
Any advice would be grealy appreciated.
Many thanks and apologies for such a long message.
Does he seem particularly tired/exhausted?
My only suggestion would be a shutdown. I certainly get headaches with those.
I go into a shutdown when I've been overwhelmed for a long time, but not in a way that makes me 'snap' and causes a meltdown. It's more likely to happen when things just keep building up, until my brain has just had enough and gives up. It's most obvious to the outside world (in my case, my husband is able to recognise them) because I become very 'zombie'. My usual bouncy walk can turn more to a shuffle, I'm clearly low on energy, I often yawn a lot, I tend to stare and not really focus on anything, I can stop talking completely or I mumble or find myself stumbling over my words if I try and force them out, so I might say things in the wrong order/stammer a bit/have to stop and pause after each word.
Internally, my perception of the world becomes even more hazy than usual. It feels like I'm seeing and hearing things from underwater. Words are mumbled, it's hard to focus and work out what's going on. Of course, that causes a headache. If a shutdown gets particularly bad, the issues with processing can reach the point where people will be talking and it's like they're talking a foreign language - I just can't understand what they're saying - and if I try to read something then I can recognise the letters and they should make sense, but I can't work out what the word is. Or I'll look at an everyday object and know what it is, but not quite be able to work out what I'm seeing - for example, looking at a box of biscuits and knowing that they're biscuits, but not being able to work out what kind they are even though I've seen them thousands of times before. And of course, there's the tiredness. Absolute exhaustion, like moving my body is the most immense effort.
I definitely lose my appetite a bit when I'm in a shutdown. Or at least, I can stomach comfort food items but couldn't imagine sitting down to a meal, which is probably a good thing when I don't even have the energy to actually prepare a meal. Usually two things will bring me out of a shutdown - I'm pushed to the point where it turns to a meltdown and I can then recover, or I get enough sleep that I find the energy to drag myself out of it.
He's very tired and is sleeping a lot. He's having a few days in bed and then he seems ok for a day, then we're back to square one again. He just keeps saying he's got a headache.
Wow thank you so much, that's a fascnating read. I have never heard of a shutdown before!
He's refused to eat or drink today, so after reading your reply I tested your theory. I gave him a chocolate biscuit and he ate 2 straight away!!!
He's had a lot of change since September as he's started comprehensive school. He had a meltdown 2 weeks ago and said he didn't want to be autistic anymore .
I don't think it's anything medical as he's ok one day and then crying and sleeping for a few days after.
Thank you so much for your response it has been very helpful x
From my experience with my daughters, the physical aspects of puberty were the easiest for them to come to terms with (other than some embarrassment over certain aspects) as they could get to grips with the science behind it and, I suppose, it all made logical sense. They knew what to expect physically and there was a sort of schedule to it.
Perhaps because of this lack of logic, schedule, or scientific certainty, the emotional side was / is much more of a challenge.
There are some books available that broach the emotional upheaval of puberty but it may help if he can speak to a man who really knows what it was like from a boy's perspective. You too will remember all of the conflicting emotions, the tidal waves of unfathomable despair, the unreasonable irritation or anger that would flare up, and everything else puberty brought and it might help if you describe how your own emotions were affected and how you coped with that.
Personally (I am HFA but it wasn't diagnosed until adulthood.) I also remember all of this as being utterly, utterly exhausting as I couldn't name or process all of these new feelings and the pace at which they fluctuated. I think if I'd had help at that age to identify, name, and explain these emotions and moods at your son's age it would have helped a LOT.
I'm pretty sure NAS have a section related to teenagers, it's worth you both having a look through that as I'm sure autism must bring it's own challenges to what is already a challenging time for young people his age.
Good luck!
Thank you. Yes we have taken puberty into account as well. He doesn't understand his emotions at the best of times. He is anxious about puberty. He understands the science behind it but the emotional aspect has gone over his head. I have been very open and honest with him which I'm hoping will help. He also has no problem with asking me any questions, no matter how embarrassing, thankfully.
I think with all the new information I have gained from others today I have a better understanding which will allow me to try and explin things better to him.
Any puberty advice for boys would be greatly appreciated tho
I think Bladeis right, but I would add that Puberty could be one of the main things causing your son's first shutdown - considering his age.
Up until now he's had his established coping mechanisms for whenever things build up and threaten to overwhelm him and, like most children, one of those coping mechanisms is the knowledge that when things get too much parents will ultimately step-in and sort things out.
Now, he's not only having to get used to high school (difficult for many reasons in itself, socially if not academically) but he's also trying to understand the effects of this sudden flood of hormones and the emotional roller-coaster it brings.
I'm a female with three daughters so I'm definitely not the person to give advice about how to help a young boy through the stresses of puberty. Anyone????
Thank you very much for your reply. I will read into this
Also see http://aspified.com/burnout/ by way of contrast...
NAS36510 said:
Could he be depressed? I suggest getting him to his GP.
https://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Documents/Mood%20self-assessment.htm