What do I do next? how do I expain to my son about exculsion?

Hi Donegal Diva.

I really felt for you as I read your post because we have experienced all this stuff ourselves.

Firstly don't allow the school to pile the guilt on to your shoulders. While our little lad was in mainstream school we were constantly told the responsibilty lay on our shoulders for his behaviour. Its too easy for teachers to shield themselves from responsibility by laying the blame on the parents who are struggling and doing all they can for their child. We can't expect them to fully understand how the mind of a child on the ASD spectrum operates but we can expect them to be trained and have at least an understanding that they can't educate and discipline these children as they do others. In many situations a basic understanding of the fundamental difficulties that ASD children experience is enough for a teacher to prevent this type of behaviour occurring in the first place.

In my case I decided not get upset any more but to get determined and become a strong and knowledgable advocat for my child.

It might be helpful for you to have  plan of action written down before you go to the integration meeting next week.

Write down the family strategies that you have at home in order to try to alleviate your child's stress levels where you can and how you prepare him for school.

Then ask the school how they are going to work with you to alleviate his stress at school because that's what this is likely to be all about.

The school need to take on board that he is fundamentally unable to conform (that's a big word that schools seem to cling to in these circumstances) in the way that they want him to and that inclusion for ASD children (another biggie that schools get wrong) is not about making him behave as a neuro typical child would. It's about allowing him access to neuro typical relationships with children at school and learning coping strategies that will enable him to live among others as he grows older. The school will probably consider that they have a badly behaved and angry child to deal with, when in all probability, they have a confused and very frightened little boy who desperately needs understanding and because he can't get this his emotions are boiling over in the only way he knows how. Some teachers can't seem to understand that in the case of many ASD children, fear and confusion doesn't look like fear and confusion...it manifests itself in difficult behaviour, sometimes violent because ASD children find it impossible to vocalise their fear and emotions. He is as unable to operate as a neuro typical child would as an unsighted child is able to read a blackboard!

I do hope some of this helps. I've lost count of the times I spent crying about the injustice that my child is subjected to so I do understand the pain that you are in. I wish you the very best with your meeting next week. Let me know how it went.

Blossom.

Hi Donegal Diva.

I really felt for you as I read your post because we have experienced all this stuff ourselves.

Firstly don't allow the school to pile the guilt on to your shoulders. While our little lad was in mainstream school we were constantly told the responsibilty lay on our shoulders for his behaviour. Its too easy for teachers to shield themselves from responsibility by laying the blame on the parents who are struggling and doing all they can for their child. We can't expect them to fully understand how the mind of a child on the ASD spectrum operates but we can expect them to be trained and have at least an understanding that they can't educate and discipline these children as they do others. In many situations a basic understanding of the fundamental difficulties that ASD children experience is enough for a teacher to prevent this type of behaviour occurring in the first place.

In my case I decided not get upset any more but to get determined and become a strong and knowledgable advocat for my child.

It might be helpful for you to have  plan of action written down before you go to the integration meeting next week.

Write down the family strategies that you have at home in order to try to alleviate your child's stress levels where you can and how you prepare him for school.

Then ask the school how they are going to work with you to alleviate his stress at school because that's what this is likely to be all about.

The school need to take on board that he is fundamentally unable to conform (that's a big word that schools seem to cling to in these circumstances) in the way that they want him to and that inclusion for ASD children (another biggie that schools get wrong) is not about making him behave as a neuro typical child would. It's about allowing him access to neuro typical relationships with children at school and learning coping strategies that will enable him to live among others as he grows older. The school will probably consider that they have a badly behaved and angry child to deal with, when in all probability, they have a confused and very frightened little boy who desperately needs understanding and because he can't get this his emotions are boiling over in the only way he knows how. Some teachers can't seem to understand that in the case of many ASD children, fear and confusion doesn't look like fear and confusion...it manifests itself in difficult behaviour, sometimes violent because ASD children find it impossible to vocalise their fear and emotions. He is as unable to operate as a neuro typical child would as an unsighted child is able to read a blackboard!

I do hope some of this helps. I've lost count of the times I spent crying about the injustice that my child is subjected to so I do understand the pain that you are in. I wish you the very best with your meeting next week. Let me know how it went.

Blossom.