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bullying at school

longman

The summer edition of Communication has an article on page 43 on bullying. I was rather shocked by this because it simply divided bullying into three main categories (physical, verbal and indirect) and then proceeded to offer advice for dealing with conventional bullying.

My perception of bullying where people on the spectrum are the victims is rather different from this. I wondered if other contributors felt the same way or disagreed.

In my perspective, people on the spectrum are usually bullied by people taking advantage of their vulnerabilities arising from autism - sensory overload, difficulty understanding social interaction and metaphorical or humorous remarks, special interests and manerisms that attract attention. I also perceive the bullying to involve a wider spectrum of individuals in a class, not just the usually identified bullies.

People on the spectrum may be seen as entertaining. Sensitivity to environment - sudden noise, people in close proximity, sudden movement, intimidatory atmosphere is enough to trigger considerable distress and possibly a meltdown. Other kids quickly realise that "pushing the right buttons" - mainipulating the vulnerabilities of people on the spectrum, could be managed as collective entertainment.

Being seen as different, not fitting in, having different interests, having unorthodox mannerisms, all make people on the spectrum more likely to be targeted. They may be hurt or disturbed by joking remarks or jibes that NT kids would recognise for what they were, but could cause great anxiety to someone on the spectrum.

I rather felt, from reading the Communication article, that it was as if people on the spectrum were just overly sensitive to conventional bullying and just needed to hear the conventional advice. But for someone with communication difficulties "fogging" and saying "No" can just add to the entertainment value as this would come over differently.

I was also concerned that after 50 years NAS seemed not to have grasped that bullying at school is one of the fundamental damaging experiences fior people on the spectrum, and this needs research, not platitudes.

Parents

  • longman said:
    The bystanders are the "silent majority" who go along with the bullies and laugh on cue for fear that if they didn't, or if they showed sympathy for the victim, they'd become victims themselves. Understandably some of those bystanders would have been victims anyway if there were'nt the candidates already on the receiving end.

    I've quoted this because this is exactly what happened to me. I had a 'friend' (term used loosely) at school who was a bully. She bullied so many people including me but it was so much subtler towards me. She would belittle and threaten me in so many ways and when she was bullying other kids in the traditional sense (i.e shouting horrible things/hitting) I was too frightened to speak up and tell her to stop for fear of her turning on me. I was stuck with her from the age of 8 up until I moved away from my hometown, too frightened to tell her to leave me alone because I had witnessed just how nasty she could be so I put up with all of her jibes about me so that it wouldn't get any worse, particularly physical abuse I was so terrified that she'd hit me if I said I didn't want to be her 'friend' anymore.

    Even now when my mother tells me she's seen her around and she's asked how I am it sends shivers down my spine just thinking about her and I haven't seen her in over 8 years.

    I was also picked out as the target for humiliation/blackmail in primary school (particularly in infants) because I was so naieve and trusting, so kids would pretend to want to be my friend 'dare' me to do something (which I would do because I so desperately wanted real friends) and then blackmail /humiliate me about it for months afterwards. Example being a girl who dared me to stick 2 fingers up at a dinner lady when she wasn't looking because "it would be funny"...I dind't understand why it would be funny but did it anyway to please her. Everyday after that for months she would say things like "can I share your pudding with you(by share she meant eat it all)" if I hesitated she would then remind me of what I did and how naughty it was and that she would tell on me if I didn't. Of course because she was my 'friend' I thought she was doing me a great favour by keeping my naughty secret and it was only right that she should be rewarded for that. There were lots of incidents like that with different kids before the bully/friend honed in on me.

    I remember once a girl from my class saw me talking to my mum in a supermarket...what's the problem with that your probably thinking. The humiliation part here was that I didn't speak in primary school, I'd taken the term 'here to learn not to talk' when I first started literally and from that point on just dind't speak (eventually I started to whisper) but ONLY in school. Anyway that girl didn't ask anything of me but for months after she would remind me now and again in a taunting sort of "I heard you speaking normally! Why do you pretend you can't talk, I'm going to tell the teacher on you, I'm going to tell everyone your a liar". I would panic every time I saw her and everytime I was in public for years after I would look around to make sure nobody from school was about to hear me. Even when we went on holiday I would check there was nobody I knew from school before I could relax I was so ashamed/afraid.

Reply

  • longman said:
    The bystanders are the "silent majority" who go along with the bullies and laugh on cue for fear that if they didn't, or if they showed sympathy for the victim, they'd become victims themselves. Understandably some of those bystanders would have been victims anyway if there were'nt the candidates already on the receiving end.

    I've quoted this because this is exactly what happened to me. I had a 'friend' (term used loosely) at school who was a bully. She bullied so many people including me but it was so much subtler towards me. She would belittle and threaten me in so many ways and when she was bullying other kids in the traditional sense (i.e shouting horrible things/hitting) I was too frightened to speak up and tell her to stop for fear of her turning on me. I was stuck with her from the age of 8 up until I moved away from my hometown, too frightened to tell her to leave me alone because I had witnessed just how nasty she could be so I put up with all of her jibes about me so that it wouldn't get any worse, particularly physical abuse I was so terrified that she'd hit me if I said I didn't want to be her 'friend' anymore.

    Even now when my mother tells me she's seen her around and she's asked how I am it sends shivers down my spine just thinking about her and I haven't seen her in over 8 years.

    I was also picked out as the target for humiliation/blackmail in primary school (particularly in infants) because I was so naieve and trusting, so kids would pretend to want to be my friend 'dare' me to do something (which I would do because I so desperately wanted real friends) and then blackmail /humiliate me about it for months afterwards. Example being a girl who dared me to stick 2 fingers up at a dinner lady when she wasn't looking because "it would be funny"...I dind't understand why it would be funny but did it anyway to please her. Everyday after that for months she would say things like "can I share your pudding with you(by share she meant eat it all)" if I hesitated she would then remind me of what I did and how naughty it was and that she would tell on me if I didn't. Of course because she was my 'friend' I thought she was doing me a great favour by keeping my naughty secret and it was only right that she should be rewarded for that. There were lots of incidents like that with different kids before the bully/friend honed in on me.

    I remember once a girl from my class saw me talking to my mum in a supermarket...what's the problem with that your probably thinking. The humiliation part here was that I didn't speak in primary school, I'd taken the term 'here to learn not to talk' when I first started literally and from that point on just dind't speak (eventually I started to whisper) but ONLY in school. Anyway that girl didn't ask anything of me but for months after she would remind me now and again in a taunting sort of "I heard you speaking normally! Why do you pretend you can't talk, I'm going to tell the teacher on you, I'm going to tell everyone your a liar". I would panic every time I saw her and everytime I was in public for years after I would look around to make sure nobody from school was about to hear me. Even when we went on holiday I would check there was nobody I knew from school before I could relax I was so ashamed/afraid.

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