Dark Thoughts - are these something to worry about?

Hi sje1973,

Personally, I would not be worried.

Your son may not be very sophisticated in expressing his feelings and so may use extremes (such as in his poem) to express his unhappiness or to offload his plain and simple hatred of this teacher.

Another explanation could be that your son was really embarrassed about having to write something so personal about someone and so he may have been trying to use dark humour to disguise his unease, which backfired. Let’s face it, another teacher, who may have been wiser and less insecure, may have seen the funny side and really laughed about your son’s poem. I know I would have.

Generally though, who hasn’t had a dark thought? Who has never hated something or someone? Sadly our little NDs, who may be a little too honest and a little behind in understanding boundaries, (i.e. what not to share with others or say out loud...) are really vulnerable to making these sorts of social ‘faux pas’.

It doesn’t mean your son would actually kill them or harm them in any way in real life. I agree with Oktanol’s Counsellor- there is a huge world of difference from thinking dark thoughts and acting upon them.

And contrary to seemingly popular belief, it is not illegal to have thoughts, however dark. It is, however, illegal to act upon them (which, as you say, you have since discussed with your son.) But some schools/teachers are never too far away from being self-appointed ‘Thought Police.’ And I think it is a real shame that school has demonised and shamed your son over this, instead of seeing this as a lovely opportunity to help him better understand social boundaries in a supportive, positive and light-hearted way.

I am thinking of all the young people I have worked with over the years, and how gloriously dark, morbid, hating, fantastical,  passionate, they/we can all be; it’s part of being human. Therefore I think it entirely possible that other students in his class may have also wanted to write this or something similar about this (or some other person or) teacher but, being NT, they likely recognised that to do so would be a bad idea. So they wrote ‘acceptable’ things instead?

I expect your son is now learning this lesson (the hard way too, bless him).

And I again agree with Oktanol - I personally think it was a deeply weird and narcissistic thing for a teacher to ask of their students. And, for perspective, I just turned to two of my teenage sons and asked them what they would have wrote; my (probably) NT said he would have wanted to write that his teacher was a Di*k for asking for a poem about him/herself, and my (definitely) ND said he would have refused to write it. And therein lies all the difference perhaps?

Teens, I can’t help but love them. 

Hi sje1973,

Personally, I would not be worried.

Your son may not be very sophisticated in expressing his feelings and so may use extremes (such as in his poem) to express his unhappiness or to offload his plain and simple hatred of this teacher.

Another explanation could be that your son was really embarrassed about having to write something so personal about someone and so he may have been trying to use dark humour to disguise his unease, which backfired. Let’s face it, another teacher, who may have been wiser and less insecure, may have seen the funny side and really laughed about your son’s poem. I know I would have.

Generally though, who hasn’t had a dark thought? Who has never hated something or someone? Sadly our little NDs, who may be a little too honest and a little behind in understanding boundaries, (i.e. what not to share with others or say out loud...) are really vulnerable to making these sorts of social ‘faux pas’.

It doesn’t mean your son would actually kill them or harm them in any way in real life. I agree with Oktanol’s Counsellor- there is a huge world of difference from thinking dark thoughts and acting upon them.

And contrary to seemingly popular belief, it is not illegal to have thoughts, however dark. It is, however, illegal to act upon them (which, as you say, you have since discussed with your son.) But some schools/teachers are never too far away from being self-appointed ‘Thought Police.’ And I think it is a real shame that school has demonised and shamed your son over this, instead of seeing this as a lovely opportunity to help him better understand social boundaries in a supportive, positive and light-hearted way.

I am thinking of all the young people I have worked with over the years, and how gloriously dark, morbid, hating, fantastical,  passionate, they/we can all be; it’s part of being human. Therefore I think it entirely possible that other students in his class may have also wanted to write this or something similar about this (or some other person or) teacher but, being NT, they likely recognised that to do so would be a bad idea. So they wrote ‘acceptable’ things instead?

I expect your son is now learning this lesson (the hard way too, bless him).

And I again agree with Oktanol - I personally think it was a deeply weird and narcissistic thing for a teacher to ask of their students. And, for perspective, I just turned to two of my teenage sons and asked them what they would have wrote; my (probably) NT said he would have wanted to write that his teacher was a Di*k for asking for a poem about him/herself, and my (definitely) ND said he would have refused to write it. And therein lies all the difference perhaps?

Teens, I can’t help but love them.