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Fixation to the point of Bullying

Donegal Diva

I'm in the process of getting my son diagnosed but most people say he's got Asbergers.  It has suddenly come to a head in school and from a well behaved bright boy is now having real problems.

The biggest issue is he's bullying another boy about a long held grudge and I don't know how to stop it.  Any suggestions as I'm at my wits end.

 

 

  • My son is only 8 and has not been diagnosed but school and a number of informed friends believe he is on the AS.  The problem is he is being labelled the "bully" but not sure if she is bullying or uses the boy as a fixation when he is "overloaded".  Not sure what to do next apart from continue to remind him to stay away from the child.

  • How old is your son? Aspergers may be a problem, but bullying may be caused by something other than this (tentative) diagnosis by others. 

    Secondly, how did this all start? It may be sensible to try and get him to tell it to you as a story, and see where the school's version of events ties in - often, what's not noticed by the school is how bullying incidents start. I remember being bullied physically by a child of the same age, but who had significant physical and mental development problems. I couldn't restrain her, or even fight back - as all the school ever noticed was that the 'bully' was far smaller than me and sounded like a 4-yr old when they talked. They didn't notice the fact that this innocent little creature would often lash out for fun, kicking me in the shins and hitting me as hard as possible.

    Thirdly, if your child is bullying  another peer for a specific reason, try to find books and films which relate a comparable situation. Show them books and comics which resolve bullying and quarrels in peaceful ways. Give them a book on how to handle insults (if that's appropriate for his age and responses). Show him all possible alternatives to the bullying behaviour, in pantomime or drama. If he learns best by example, he'll be more likely to use the alternative behaviour he's seen (and which you've been promoting).

    Finally - try and find ways to minimise or remove the 'grudge'. If neccessary, see if you can get someone (aster your son's consultation) to help with a talking therapy, or some behavioral management. You might not be wholly successful (my bully eventually got bored and chose to pick on other people, rather than react to anmything I did) but it will at least be addressing the issue. 

    Good luck.