Ok so over the 4 years I've been in my full time job, I always have times where I really love it and don't want to leave then there are times where I really want to leave. Because I have difficulty knowing what I really feel it makes it even more difficult. Should I just look for what jobs that are suitable for me, probably admin assistant job, the same job what I'm currently doing but I might prefer it if it's in a different environment and with different people because of what's happening lately. The problem is it maybe the way I think but really may not but may not be able to help it etc. My mind is really muddled. I have had CBT and unfortunately it didn't help that much still. I'm also having support with work issues at the moment.
So the first thing is I really don't like my line manager with the jokes he makes, he used to make them less frequently but now it's got even worse he's making them all the time at work. I think it's more teasing me as well which I really do not like at all. I think he doesn't realize some of the jokes that he says I find offensive and also probably because the way I (and I'm sure many other aspies) think, I take it too literally and it really tires me out when I pretend it's funny by laughing because I don't want to be rude and because of my high level of anxiety. One example of the teasing he does that I really do not like is when he looks out the window then I look out the window and he sort of shouts at me in a nice/tease sort of way asking why are you looking out the window, you haven't got time to do that. That really annoys me.
He also is so big headed, over confident and another thing I really hate is he's so nosy on my personal life, asking what I'm up to what I like doing but I've learnt to keep as much stuff I do private from him now because whatever I say, he googles it, tries to copy me and makes his own opinion on it and then thinks he knows way more than me about my hobbies what I do. I just can't help to think through all this positively or differently I don't even know what is effecting what now, It maybe to do with the way I think but it's so difficult with mental health issues to cope? I feel like I am going to burst out in anger to him and the other person I do not like there at all! And I really don't want that because it's effect my anxiety even more and it will be rude and maybe childish, and it could effect my job etc I feel like I'm a slave there, just turning up to do my job for the money. It sucks.. I don't fit in there, I'm unable to relate to anyone, didn't make any friends there at all and I've been there for 4 years. I am getting sort of a promotion, having a assistant to assist me soon, but they wouldn't of done that if it wasn't for the company situation, long story.. Nothing at all mentioned about a pay rise, just me changing my role a bit so I guess my pay will remain the same as it has always been .. crap.
I love the job what I'm doing but the problem is the socializing and being with people all the time in the same room really tires me out! I know it is very difficult to get a full time job for people with autism well according to the research anyway so I don't know whether I should take a risk and find a different place? I'm really worried about learning all the new procedures there and getting used to them, whether or not my job performance will be good enough there and what if they fire me etc, so many negative thoughts race through my mind 
.I have a full time job at the moment and because it is 5 days work a week, it does tire me out if I don't have a full day or 2 days alone by myself just doing my hobbies all day completely at silence in my room and that's the only thing that makes me feel better and even survive going to work on a Monday again and survive the whole week. If only I can change to part time but then again there's money problems, I really want to keep saving for the future, I'm really worried about my future because I just find everything in life so confusing. If it's not following by a rule/routine it it's a grey area etc I just struggle. I really don't know what to do and would appreciate advice. If I do find a new job, would they not be able to get rid of me that easily if my performance isn't too good ot if I struggle? I really do work as hard as I can as long as there's a routine to it, and it's not a grey area, all jobs must be done exactly the same way, I just need a lot more time to take in and learn the tasks first. I am qualified as an Admin assistant now so hopefully I can find something.
I have got support now from Shaw Trust and Voice ability, I haven't told them any of this yet because I feel embarrassed and would they just find it strange? Should I tell them this? Would there be any benefits I could claim for income if I do end up finding just a part time job to make my mental health feel a lot better? Even in a video game store part time, I think I'll be much happier. I don't know if that's the right choice but I feel like my life is a mess now. I won't feel like I'll progress anywhere and won't feel like I'll be really high up in a job because of my aspergers and the amount of confusion I get everyday.