Published on 12, July, 2020
Ok folks this will be a bit mixed up and may make no sense.I have been struggling with this in my own mind since discovering autism.
It will be very long but I feel I have to get this done,I am in a good place right now mentally.
get comfortable or go have some fun I will understand.
Most of my life and up to recently I have believed I had dyslexic traits, I refuse to accept that after finding out about autism that I never had dyslexia! And that I was actually autistic but unaware of it.
I had many reasons and still do to believe I was dyslexic.imagine spending most of my life researching the topic and doing every test available which invariably suggested I was "mildly dyslexic". I am a self taught expert on what it is,how it effects those with it and have found many ways of coping with it.
I never quite fitted the stereotypical view that most have.
The letters never jumped about on the page,I rarely put letters back to front.
School was hell,I was bullied by teachers,they would say I was lazy,didn't want to learn,to busy daydreaming etc.all the usual abuse teachers were capable of.
what they didn't realise was that the young boy in their class wanted to learn,wanted to fit in and cried within every time nothing made sense.
I would say it was like you sitting down at a desk and being told to copy the blackboard! Only thing is you are copying Chinese characters,everyone else can copy it,you must concentrate,each character is very distinct but every little curve every little space,every little dot MUST be correct or it will be unreadable.
By the way hurry up or I will raise my voice and talk down to you in front of the whole class! I will get right in your face and scowl at you.and then I tell you"you will sit there until it's done and you won't be going out at playtime". Whilst sat there you go blank,you start to shake and then you start to cry, so teacher comes up to see a few scribbles on the page, not impressed he then shouts"you are a waste of time! Get out of my sight."
This was my daily life,I decided the only way to exhist was to shut down,go deaf,ignore it,
When I left infant school which is where this all happened I went to middle school.full of fear,expecting more of the same.So to cope I decided to be proactive and be what they had decided I was. I deliberately made no attempt to write or join in. I then set the rules and the punishment was in my mind justifiable, I had enough of being bullied when it wasn't my fault.we actually had ink pens with separate split knibs and of coarse ink wells.I couldn't hold a pencil let alone a scratchy messy thing like that,I kept breaking the knib.
All the teachers were old dinosaurs and very strict.I had the head teacher shake me so violently I was sick,I was blamed for something I had not done.Every morning I would walk slowly to school imagining what hell I was going to get? I knew I would be late because if I couldn't hear the kids on the playground they had started to file in two by two. That would cause panic as I knew I would be punished,So do I go in and face it or run away? The longer I thought it over the worse and later it got.So I often ran away.
After one term of this we were told we were getting a new teacher,warning bells! A new adversary to cope with.
One morning our new teacher arrived,a young women? She called register after introducing herself.
we were told to play quietly while she took each of us to the reading corner to find out about us.
when my turn came I slowly went over and stood there,I was shaking and ready to run,
she asked me to sit down,then to pick a book I could read out,this made me feel sick,I spotted a book which my mum had at home and often read to me.I took it and opened the page, I tried to remember what it was about but knew I had got it wrong. She then said "ok that was lovely I enjoyed that so much" . I just sat there waiting for her to get angry but she didn't?
She later asked me if my mum and dad would let me be late home the next day? She told me that me and a girl were invited to a special picnic after school. Don't tell any of the other children though as they would want to come to.
well I did stay behind with that girl and we had sandwiches and cake and some orange squash. She actually got us to laugh.
ok she said"I want to help you two with your reading and I have some flash cards,A for apple B for ball etc.she gave us text books with extra line separators to get the letter heights right,she taught us how to form letters,we were told don't let the other children see these books as I haven't got enough left for them.
within a short period of time maybe a few weeks it suddenly clicked and I could read simple phonically spelt words. I ran home and declared "hey dad guess what I can read" he looked shocked,he had no idea I couldn't.I read bits of a newspaper out loud.
life did improve after that but school was still alien as my memory held onto nothing,any noise stopped me from focusing.
my writing skills were slow,I could read faster than I could verbalise the words,I struggled to form letters,I still couldn't hold the pen or pencil,So it all went down hill as soon as my lady teacher was no longer there for me.
so falling behind hearing a raised voice by the teacher I would shut down,be deliberately misbehaved,back to my terms,my control.
I couldn't tell the time,time meant nothing to me,no concept of it,A special needs teacher or drummers class was were I ended up. No matter what the poor teacher did convinced me how time worked.
I told him it broke the rules! He asked why? Well when using numbers we use units tens and hundreds,that is the rule said I.
it took him ages and he asked if I would make a special exception just for telling the time? I wasn't happy but gave in.
I still have no concept of time,I don't agree with it as it controls our lives.I don't care for money as it has to be earned.it sets up conflict and always has throughout history,those who have control those who have nothing.
I cannot believe I have written all of that,most I have ever written,I actually only write on paper in capitals as I cannot string small letters together,each-capital letter is a single character/picture in my head.my short term memory is awful.I am right handed but manage equally well with my left. I cannot understand why we write from left to right across the page.My favourite place in infant school was under the table.I had no friends at school,I didn't want any but would rather just watch,I still wanted to be included but rarely joined in.
My daughter has a formal diagnosis of dyslexia,she is now attending college,she helps children with special needs.I am a very proud dad who got through life the hard way.
thank you if you kept going to read all this but I needed to get it out there,no pity needed as that was then.
big hug to all(virtual).
Hey there both our girls have dyslexia as well as their ND diagnosis. My original diagnosis was dyslexia not DCD.
I don't believe that ASD/ADHD/DCD excludes coexisting dyslexia. Yes, there are some overlaps (both girls have central processing deficits in their dyslexia assessment) but dyslexia is a problem in itself with its own unique features.
I'm also aware that the kind of teaching that traditional schools valued is a killer for shy ND kids. I flourished educationally in tertiary study after being very mediocre in secondary. Only part of why was I finally got technology to assist with some parts of communication (I could type all assignments rather than handwritten).
On reading: I'm hyperlexic by the definition that I was reading by 3 and could read in the 10 year old range at 5. School was very down on Mum for teaching us...but she didn't other than sharing a love of reading and encouraging us to use look for things on the page. "Tell me what is in the picture" was her usual thing with picture books, and we came to associate those black squiggly bits as the representation of words for things we could see.
Hi quirky thank you for replying,I have found various articles linking dyslexia and autism/ ADHD/Asperger. Suddenly makes a lot of sense.
I will now attempt to put a link to a page I found which very much explains it in easy terms.
wish me luck.
well predictably I could not do it.now feeling stupid,it was on Synapse.org.au.one of the factsheets,Dyslexia (reading and writing problems)
Don't break the internet! Good luck...
Hi all as I have had to explain my lack of working memory so often lately I thought it time to bring this back to the top. It is long but it is possibly just one more thing that may effect others who have autism, you can have autism and dyslexia, ()
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date 30/12/2017 at 04:43.
Likewise!
Glad to know it's not just me - not that I wish it on you!
Thank you for that, I won’t go on but everything you wrote makes sense.
Nice to know I am understood for who and what I am.
No worries, we all have lives and demands.
Put dyslexia and aspergers together and you have a nightmare of contradiction and a load of confusion. Don't try to understand me, just love me! (cos I don't even understand me!). No wonder the ex said he couldn't work me out and that I was contrary!
Yeah, you've been this one person all your life, just like others you thought, then you discover all this and you are different - it knocks you sideways!
I know exactly where you are coming from, it has you questioning who/what you are and in quite a bit of a spin! But then on the other hand some unfathomable things unravel a bit or you understand now why you found them unfathomable. You get angry about all the struggles that you could have had support for if you had known - but then feel blessed you didn't because would you have achieved so much in life/would it have held you back?!
It's like being hit sideways on by an express train!
very dyslexic procedures!
Must be tiring now as missed off loads of points,
i jot down reminder notes everywhere, random scraps of anything I may need again. I have stacks of stick it notes,
Memories on paper,
take care and to all my friends, xxx()()()xxx
much love.
Hi jedders sorry I missed your reply.so you have been diagnosed with dyslexia, was it anything like my eldest daughter had, took days and nothing was left unturned, we had to give written thoughts as to what she was like as a child, she was diagnosed when starting college,and again at university although that was so they could Taylor her needs.
Coloured overlays,digital recorder to record lectures,her choice of seating in the class, helped with bright lights or streaming sunshine.
even now whilst attending college again for teachers aid she has coloured paper with coloured letters.
we both read we both write by hand very well, not when I was young,
yes I always found it gave me belief in myself by reminding myself of fantastic entrepreneurs and artists that are or were dyslexic,
I am currently looking back over my early posts, and trying to work out who and what I am.
Having such a terrible memory like mine is making even finding my old threads difficult. This was easy as typing dyslexia into the search worked.
Others might if I could remember the original title.
No matter as long as I have something to steady the mind,
Hoping to soon fall asleep through exhaustion.
Hopefully not long as I am in for a long drive to work soon. 07:30 start and then an hours drive.
xxx()
Dyslexia has many guises, I've recently been diagnosed.
Dyslexics are in demand by companies for their creative thinking - like your inventions.
Dyslexics are intelligent.
Dyslexics - Einstein, Richard Branson, Jamie Oliver to name but a few.
Keep the weird posts coming. I don't envy you...the mix of dyslexia and ASD must create a real challenge when trying to navigate life. I imagine that it can lead to feelings of even greater isolation and frustration
glad you're talking and to your wife also...good luck unpicking things..
Hi went off to gather my thoughts, I got a bit annoyed as my failure at posting a link which apparently is so simple eluded me! I am ok now, I have been talking to my wife just lately about me(who else) so many things I went through as a child,It turns out I have lots of things when I was very young that don't add up? Talking it through there are certain events that are bewildering and don't make sense.
To much to write here though.
I am trying to make sense of my life, And thank you I am not a fool,I am a very emotional person,
Having researched dyslexia I have found many famous people,I belong to a dyslexia forum, I get regular updates on the latest thinking of just what it is.
the elusive page I tried to link to is unusually easy to understand,it is a resource for autism,ADHD etc.
it clearly explains why they think young dyslexic children cannot process words onto written words on paper.
It is to do with sound or phonics being more important. I now know how that young teacher made the breakthrough with me,phonics, letter sounds,sounds with pictures,I could suddenly understand after years of having no concept of letters or what they were.
I think alternatively to most,Even as a young boy I drew pictures in a note book of inventions to improve life. I once invented a multi tool! A radio,shaver and calculater in one.there were no multiple gadgets at the time,
All this is about me struggling to understand me,I am stable and happy but need answers.look out for more weird posts.
thanks ele. Big hug.
Have you heard of the writer and journalist AA Gill. He started writing in his mid thirties....dyslexic and dyspraxic .
..,not a single qualification...but a clever man and very astute.
alan sugar jumped the wall on his first day at school...
A) you are not a fool
B) *** happens
C) the site is limited
D) but can you still find your voice?
I am a fool as it predictably didn't work, still I had to try it even if what I expected didn't happen? Really struggling with this site,a car forum I belong to I can quote, I can cut and paste, I can resize pictures just about everything but here is so baron.