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What do i do?

amysahib

What do you do when your 6yr old son's (with Asperger's) repetitive behavioural patterns and meltdowns simply become so common and seemingly out of control you don't know what else to do other than cry?

How do we talk to our son to gently convince him to stop these patterns?  Example of one right now - he has to unlock, open, close and lock every single door in the house (and car) irrelevant of who's trying to open it themselves - and i mean every door; from front car door in the middle of the road to his Grandmother using the bathroom.  Someone could say to try and be more forceful and firmly remove his hand - but he's surprisingly strong and bouncing with energy, not a gentle little one at all and trying to remove his hand can actually be very painful!

This routine came out of nowhere about 2 months ago and is just getting stronger.  Yes, we have tried to formulate patterns and i have made note boards for him, another example:- 'you can open and close only the front doors, grown ups must do all others'.  But deviancy has broken through already and in his mind by holding our hands firmly when we do a certain job (from doors to making dinner) he repeats 'i'm only trying to help - you're doing it' or 'i can do it, i can do it!' he's not breaking any rules and only doing what is proposed to him.

This truly has come out of nowhere - is it age related? School related as i know the school are getting the kids ready for the junior school next door this year?  Is he getting worried at school and hence the only time he feels comfortable, truly free and ready to use all his energy is at home?

CAHMS are mucking us around playing the waiting game, he switches off from the 'real world' easily and now all i feel i can do when home alone with him at school and everyone else at work is simply sit to try stop my mind racing.

A simple question no-one seems able to help with - what do i do?

  • That was an inspiring letter, thank you so much for that xxx

  • Hi - I've no experience with children (except when I was one myself) but if insight from an Asperger adult is any use, I'd guess there could be several factors here:

    1)  Autistic children often want to be seen and treated as adults (I certainly did at six) so that may be one reason he wants to emulate them and prove himself just as capable.  If that's the case, telling him that only grown-ups can open certain doors - however reasonable and logical - may increase both his frustration and desire to imitate.

    2)  Autistic people are often mechanically minded and extremely interested in how things work, which may account for his current obsession with doors.  We also tend to be very aware that everything must have a purpose and like to ensure that purpose is fulfilled as much as possible (e.g. doors are for opening and closing).

    3)  Repetitive actions can be a form of "stimming".

    Have you asked him why he likes to do these things?  It might help you to think of an appropriate solution.  Maybe some sort of a toy that includes doors he could open and shut to his heart's content (though that wouldn't help if the urge to be an adult is predominant) - or something like Meccano?  I'm afraid I don't know anything about current children's toys!