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Autism or honesty ?

Robert124

I am still thinking about this day, 40 years later.

What did I do wrong?

Did I make the right/wrong decision?

Should I have answered the way I did?

Should I have changed my mind?

Should I have explained my decision or elaborated at the time?

40 years ago I was in a normal school, normal class. Where I was having my usual difficulties, no real friends, being bullied, teased, made fun of, excluded from most groups.  Although non of these problems were extreme, the bullying was fairly mild and over all I was just managing to survive there.  Usually sitting alone silently at the rear of the class.

After the end of year exams I was called into a meeting with the head of that year and asked if I would agree to move to a different class.  She explained that since my exam results were very different from the rest of the class, they were having problems with scheduling which classes I should attend next year.

This was in the old days before GCSEs, where we still had the old style O level GCE and the inferior CSE.  Some pupils were all GCE, some all CSE others a mixture of GSE/CSE. 

When I returned to class I was asked about what happened.

I said that they asked me if I wanted to move to a different class.  (Honest answer).

'what did you say?'

'OFF COURSE I'M LEAVING, I DON'T WANT TO STAY HERE'

For remaining week I was sent to Coventry.  No one would speak to me, not even the form tutor.

The new class wasn't better or worse, just different.

But the old class completely shunned me.

It was over year before one person from my old class would even speak to me.  And that was the previous class bully who had done most to drive me out.   The others just avoided me.

  • Hi Robert123,

    I am one of many who can totally identify with you, infact most main stream kids also feel they have the same issues of non-acceptance.  The difference with asperigc kids is they don't let it go. I can not tell you how you can best move on, but kids at school are not nice. Not to any one. I also took O levels, I also did not feel accepted at school.  Why would I, I did not fit in with social norms, and now having worked with aspergic kids in a professional capacity I realise I am blessed. At least I am aware enough to realise I did not fit in. I, actually worried about that. The kids I work with do not understand social norms enough to worry. And they are still thoroughly likeable young people, although a bit honest (by social norms).  These kids are not accepted within our society.  I am, because although I get anxious, I am clever enough to fit in most of the time.  And it sounds like you do.  If you want total aceptance horses are great (I have 2, fab therapy).  If you are ok working at, and I assume after so many years you do, then remember, society needs you and your opinions. Variations makes society stronger, so stop trying to fit in and celebrate your individuality. Other people may not like your honesty. It does not mean you are wrong, just that you may need talk to some one about how to be more political (which just means trying to not upset too many people with words), think about what you enjoy, not what other people say you should enjoy. I assume you are a similar age to me (taking O levels) so start on your list of thing you want, for yourself list, and don't worry about what other people want, I can almost guarentee that they are not worrying about you.

    Best of luck, try not to stress about detail (it is a hard path to follow). But lots of us are out there and identifying with you. We tend to hide as it is easier (less social stress), but we are with you all the way. Xx

  • Adding a few thoughts.

    At the time I was amazed at their reaction of sending me to Coventry.  And I didn't care, since no social interaction with the class was better than the unpleasantness I had endured for months.  And I was under the impression that the class disliked me anyway.

    Many years later I regretted my decision to leave because the new class wasn't substantially better.  And I realised my real problem was being in class, any class, and being in school, any school.

    As for the class bully.  He was really the class extrovert.  And the bullying was minor.  

    The school classes were streamed by academic ability and in PE our class was paired with the bottom class.  The bully was always shouting that I should be kicked out of our class and join that class full of thickos.

  • Hi Robert

    The short answer (to your thread title) might of course be autism and honesty, since the latter is a very common autistic trait.

    But in my opinion what's far more significant - especially if part of the reason you're asking is to find evidence of Asperger's? - is that you are "still thinking about this day, 40 years later" and trying to analyse all the possible outcomes from different hypothetical courses of actions. 

    I call this endless mental replay "Re-viewing the Situation" after Fagin's song in the musical Oliver!  But I add a hyphen because I know from experience it can be literally like viewing a film of the event again and again on an endless loop.  You may recall that every verse of Fagin's lengthy deliberation begins "I'm reviewing the situation..." and every verse ends, "I guess I'd better think it out again!"  (He never reaches a decision.)

    In case you didn't read it, here's a link to a recent thread with parallels to yours:

    community.autism.org.uk/.../what-did-i-do-wrong-0

    You might find some of the comments helpful, especially Ferret's #3 and #6.

    I realise this is probably not the type of response you want, but I believe you may find it more productive to think about why you are still analysing this event than to try to reach a conclusion about it.

    FWIW, we must be about the same age and I still remember many incidents from my schooldays in the 1960s & 70s.  I too was very much a loner (I had no friends at all between 11 and 16), though nobody thought anything was amiss as academically I did very well on the whole.  I'd love to go back in time and tell all my teachers I'm autistic!