Published on 12, July, 2020
I've tried a lot of self-help and recovery efforts over the years trying to improve my life and deal with problems I've had and challenges I've faced. The main thing I have suffered from is always feeling like an outsider, always feeling awkward in social situations.
I've read books about public speaking and interpersional communications, and none of them have made any difference. I think, with Aspergers, the standard tools and tips aren't enough -- but I don't know what is!
More recently, about the past 5 years, especially because of some compulsive interests (which now I think may also be Aspergers related), I got involved in 12-step recovery. The way I've understood "the program," the main problem is really being selfish and focused on self (which makes for a miserable life, and compels a person seek ways to elliviate the pain), and by being more focused and involved with other people, thinking more of how to be helpful to others, then life becomes more fulfilling and more pleasurable (and then a person is not compelled anymore to go escape).
After more than 5 years of involvement, I still feel very much like an outsider, even in the context of a very strong and active support group.
So, I'm wondering if anyone else here relates to these problems.
What have you found helpful for dealing with Aspergers symptoms and coping with life, and what have you found to be frustrating -- things that are supposed to be so helpful and actually do work well for so many other people -- but just don't work well for someone with Aspergers?
This is the way I think autism/aspergers is disabling - by the feeling that one is an outsider. NT's closing ranks and being members of some sort of club to which those with an ASC are excluded, the way we are ignored, made to do things in ways and put into places we find very uncomfortable or distressing is the disabling thing - and often this is merely conventions of society which wouldn't do any harm to make adjustments and allowances for autistic people.
I found the answer to a lot of this long long ago. Where possible, just be myself. It is other peoples hardship if they don't like the fact I am a fussy eater, that I talk to myself,, that I might make what are to them strange gestures, and movements, that I don't like mixing with people socially, that I can keep talking for ever on my subjects. It is trying to 'fit in' with alien ways that causes the problems.
Of course there should always be the proviso that what we are doing doesn't hurt anyone else, but a lot of 'negative' behaviour only comes out when some busy-body of an NT tries to change me and does not like my way of doing things. And I really do have to be pushed quite hard before I exhibit this sort of behaviour.