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Discipline Help

Marko

Dont know if this is the right forum for this discussion but im new to this site...

Hi I’m a dad to three children, my oldest is a beautiful little boy, he 6 years old, and autistic, I love the little guy more than anything in the world, her was diagnosed at the age of two, he was nonverbal until last year when he basically decided that he wanted to speak, hes never been too much of a handful, he has learning difficulties, struggles to write anything but his name, can only spell a few words like his name and d-o-g, c-a-t ect but this is all amazing to us, we were told he would never be able to do any of this… the thing is as he is getting older, and he is becoming ever more his own little person and has basically stopped listening to me and his mammy, we can tell him 1000 times not to do something but he still does it, we’ve tried many many types of punishment (hate the word punishment but you get what I mean) from the naughty step, being sent to his room, time out, his own space, a tap on the hand ect none of this phases him or works… We were watching a Marvel cartoon just last night and the hulk kicked someone in the head, without a second thought he copied it and nearly kicked my head off (no more marvel cartoons), he was told off but it didn’t register with him that he had done wrong, an hour later he tried to do the same again… Things are beginning to get on top of me as a parent, I no longer know what to do, I’m beginning to question my parenting skills, am I doing something wrong, am I a good parent, what can I do to help him? Do I go down the drug route and try Ritalin as suggested by one of his doctors or can anyone help suggest a better treatment… The only reason I do not want to go down the drug route is that I had a friend at school that used to take Ritalin and it used to change him in to a completely different person, he just wasn’t himself, I don’t know if that’s what I want for my little boy…

Thanks for listening to me…

Marko

Parents

  • Hi Marko

    I'm not a parent of an autistic child, I am an adult with aspergers, but I really felt for you when I read how worried you seem about the best way to help your little boy.

    I have read the article that Nellie-Mod directed you to. I expect that it seems like a lot to take in, and although there is some good guidance there, you may be finding it difficult to work out how to apply some of it to your son. We're all individuals, so the guidance can only be general and has been written to cover as many situations as possible, so you have to work out what is relevant and how to use it.

    From the point of view of someone on the autistic spectrum, I would say that we're generally easily influenced and naïve when we're young. We get easily overstimulated and need quiet time to recover. When we get stressed or overwhelmed, we cannot process verbal information, so someone trying to explain or discuss what we've "done wrong" at that moment just causes further stress and overstimulation. 

    If your boy exhibits inappropriate behaviour, I would suggest that you don't think of a response as a "punishment", which you're obviously uncomfortable with anyway. Try to see the situation from his point of view - a movie with lots of noise and movement will probably have overloaded him and he may be copying behaviour he has seen because that's how he usually learns, by copying what others do. It might be best not to try to explain things at the time he exhibits the behaviour, but to keep your verbal response to the minimum (perhaps just a quietly but firmly spoken "No") and then take him to a quiet room and give him time to become calm. This is NOT punishment, this is responding to his needs. Stay with him if you wish to monitor him, but only if you're calm and can stay quiet. If you're calm, it may help him achieve that state.

    When he is in a more responsive frame of mind, you could use a " social story" to explain why a behaviour is inappropriate. But until then, it's better to distract him by encouraging him to engage in a more positive activity instead.

    Autistic people need structure to their lives, so you may want to consider a picture timetable, which will show him what is happening each day of the week so that he can be aware of what to expect. You could try to get him involved in making the timetable. 

    It may also be useful to avoid situations that overload him, such as watching movies with any violence (even though they're ones for children), or taking him shopping when it's crowded and noisy. 

    In terms of his learning difficulties, I was a teaching assistant many years ago and I have had to teach 7 year olds who didn't have an autism diagnosis to read and spell, so I wouldn't worry about his learning as it sounds like he is making progress. Read stories with him as much as you can - parental support is really helpful.

    Try not to worry too much, and remember that being concerned as you are means you are a good parent.

    Pixie

Reply

  • Hi Marko

    I'm not a parent of an autistic child, I am an adult with aspergers, but I really felt for you when I read how worried you seem about the best way to help your little boy.

    I have read the article that Nellie-Mod directed you to. I expect that it seems like a lot to take in, and although there is some good guidance there, you may be finding it difficult to work out how to apply some of it to your son. We're all individuals, so the guidance can only be general and has been written to cover as many situations as possible, so you have to work out what is relevant and how to use it.

    From the point of view of someone on the autistic spectrum, I would say that we're generally easily influenced and naïve when we're young. We get easily overstimulated and need quiet time to recover. When we get stressed or overwhelmed, we cannot process verbal information, so someone trying to explain or discuss what we've "done wrong" at that moment just causes further stress and overstimulation. 

    If your boy exhibits inappropriate behaviour, I would suggest that you don't think of a response as a "punishment", which you're obviously uncomfortable with anyway. Try to see the situation from his point of view - a movie with lots of noise and movement will probably have overloaded him and he may be copying behaviour he has seen because that's how he usually learns, by copying what others do. It might be best not to try to explain things at the time he exhibits the behaviour, but to keep your verbal response to the minimum (perhaps just a quietly but firmly spoken "No") and then take him to a quiet room and give him time to become calm. This is NOT punishment, this is responding to his needs. Stay with him if you wish to monitor him, but only if you're calm and can stay quiet. If you're calm, it may help him achieve that state.

    When he is in a more responsive frame of mind, you could use a " social story" to explain why a behaviour is inappropriate. But until then, it's better to distract him by encouraging him to engage in a more positive activity instead.

    Autistic people need structure to their lives, so you may want to consider a picture timetable, which will show him what is happening each day of the week so that he can be aware of what to expect. You could try to get him involved in making the timetable. 

    It may also be useful to avoid situations that overload him, such as watching movies with any violence (even though they're ones for children), or taking him shopping when it's crowded and noisy. 

    In terms of his learning difficulties, I was a teaching assistant many years ago and I have had to teach 7 year olds who didn't have an autism diagnosis to read and spell, so I wouldn't worry about his learning as it sounds like he is making progress. Read stories with him as much as you can - parental support is really helpful.

    Try not to worry too much, and remember that being concerned as you are means you are a good parent.

    Pixie

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