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superiority/arrogance

trixie belden

Hi all. I'm partnered with a man who i am certain is on the spectrum. I'm struggling right now with his tendency to come in to my home and have a fit because things are not where or how he thinks they should be. He has many hyper-sensitivities which I accomodate in our life together and in my home - smells, sounds, germ phobia... (We have been together 9 years, we don't live together, but all of our shared domestic time is spent in my home, not his, because he lives in a tiny attic which is so strewn and piled with his clothing and belongings that it's not functional for 2 people.) The thing that strikes me and that is frustrating me is that he somehow seems to beleive that all his quirks and hyper-sensitivities make him superior to me and everyone else in the world. He comes in to my house and huffs and puffs about a chair back touching the wall. He can't possibly sit in a chair if the back is touching the wall. And it's too close to a plant. It's terrible, according to him, and he acts like I'm bad and wrong for living this way and for having my house arranged in this way. He then pulls the chair out into the middle of the room, uses it there, and when he is done using it, he leaves it in the middle of the room/walkway. This is just one example of his attitude that things have to be some certain way - HIS way - in my space. Even though he lives among piles of mail and laundry and bike parts, he feels entitled to come into my house and rave about where i place a chair.  I've told him I think he's on the spectrum and asked him to look into it, and his reply is that I'm being negative and only focusing on his flaws. His behavior is my fault. Perspective, anyone?

Parents

  • It might be an idea to sit down together and talk things through which I'm not saying you haven't done in the past but perhaps figuring out why he sees them as immoral acts or as a 'wrong way to live' as you put it might determine the root cause to these issues. Being as someone on the spectrum myself it's difficult to even understand the actions of other asperger's people let alone myself (if he is or isn't on the spectrum). But, regardless of whether he is or isn't he still needs to respect your boundries and your space at the end of the day. When you discuss with him you may find things out about yourself which are unfavourable but take a grain a salt to it but also be honest with yourself.

    Neither of you necessarily have to change only to seek compromise and assess not only why you feel this way but why he might feel this way too and for him to do the same in response. I'd argue the advice i'm giving is generic but then again i don't know your partner nor do i know you but you know you and you know your partner to a lesser extent.

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  • It might be an idea to sit down together and talk things through which I'm not saying you haven't done in the past but perhaps figuring out why he sees them as immoral acts or as a 'wrong way to live' as you put it might determine the root cause to these issues. Being as someone on the spectrum myself it's difficult to even understand the actions of other asperger's people let alone myself (if he is or isn't on the spectrum). But, regardless of whether he is or isn't he still needs to respect your boundries and your space at the end of the day. When you discuss with him you may find things out about yourself which are unfavourable but take a grain a salt to it but also be honest with yourself.

    Neither of you necessarily have to change only to seek compromise and assess not only why you feel this way but why he might feel this way too and for him to do the same in response. I'd argue the advice i'm giving is generic but then again i don't know your partner nor do i know you but you know you and you know your partner to a lesser extent.

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