superiority/arrogance

trixie belden said:

Hi all. I'm partnered with a man who i am certain is on the spectrum. I'm struggling right now with his tendency to come in to my home and have a fit because things are not where or how he thinks they should be. He has many hyper-sensitivities which I accomodate in our life together and in my home - smells, sounds, germ phobia... (We have been together 9 years, we don't live together, but all of our shared domestic time is spent in my home, not his, because he lives in a tiny attic which is so strewn and piled with his clothing and belongings that it's not functional for 2 people.) The thing that strikes me and that is frustrating me is that he somehow seems to beleive that all his quirks and hyper-sensitivities make him superior to me and everyone else in the world. He comes in to my house and huffs and puffs about a chair back touching the wall. He can't possibly sit in a chair if the back is touching the wall. And it's too close to a plant. It's terrible, according to him, and he acts like I'm bad and wrong for living this way and for having my house arranged in this way. He then pulls the chair out into the middle of the room, uses it there, and when he is done using it, he leaves it in the middle of the room/walkway. This is just one example of his attitude that things have to be some certain way - HIS way - in my space. Even though he lives among piles of mail and laundry and bike parts, he feels entitled to come into my house and rave about where i place a chair.  I've told him I think he's on the spectrum and asked him to look into it, and his reply is that I'm being negative and only focusing on his flaws. His behavior is my fault. Perspective, anyone?

It probably isn't a superiority complex. He may be being blunt & honest with you. If he does have autism that is a common trait. But there are common sense reasons for the demands he makes. Having chairs against the wall can make marks on your wall. I have this with my own chair, it leaves scratchy marks on the paint from not only the chair but peoples close contact with the wall.

Leaving a room messy is something I can relate to. I need a room (my bedroom) to put all the things I intend to do, but can't deal with right away. I have little room in my flat so everything goes in it- paint, tools, books etc. I try to leave the things that will be dealt with first at the front for ease of access.  

Whether he has autism or not, it probably won't change how he feels about such things. Autism doesn't make a person damaged or defective. It just means we need people around us who understand why we say things. Many people with such needs have probably already faced a lifetime of people thinking negatively about their thought process. Which can lead the affected person to conclude that most people are at best negative or simply ignorant compared to themselves.

trixie belden said:

Hi all. I'm partnered with a man who i am certain is on the spectrum. I'm struggling right now with his tendency to come in to my home and have a fit because things are not where or how he thinks they should be. He has many hyper-sensitivities which I accomodate in our life together and in my home - smells, sounds, germ phobia... (We have been together 9 years, we don't live together, but all of our shared domestic time is spent in my home, not his, because he lives in a tiny attic which is so strewn and piled with his clothing and belongings that it's not functional for 2 people.) The thing that strikes me and that is frustrating me is that he somehow seems to beleive that all his quirks and hyper-sensitivities make him superior to me and everyone else in the world. He comes in to my house and huffs and puffs about a chair back touching the wall. He can't possibly sit in a chair if the back is touching the wall. And it's too close to a plant. It's terrible, according to him, and he acts like I'm bad and wrong for living this way and for having my house arranged in this way. He then pulls the chair out into the middle of the room, uses it there, and when he is done using it, he leaves it in the middle of the room/walkway. This is just one example of his attitude that things have to be some certain way - HIS way - in my space. Even though he lives among piles of mail and laundry and bike parts, he feels entitled to come into my house and rave about where i place a chair.  I've told him I think he's on the spectrum and asked him to look into it, and his reply is that I'm being negative and only focusing on his flaws. His behavior is my fault. Perspective, anyone?

It probably isn't a superiority complex. He may be being blunt & honest with you. If he does have autism that is a common trait. But there are common sense reasons for the demands he makes. Having chairs against the wall can make marks on your wall. I have this with my own chair, it leaves scratchy marks on the paint from not only the chair but peoples close contact with the wall.

Leaving a room messy is something I can relate to. I need a room (my bedroom) to put all the things I intend to do, but can't deal with right away. I have little room in my flat so everything goes in it- paint, tools, books etc. I try to leave the things that will be dealt with first at the front for ease of access.  

Whether he has autism or not, it probably won't change how he feels about such things. Autism doesn't make a person damaged or defective. It just means we need people around us who understand why we say things. Many people with such needs have probably already faced a lifetime of people thinking negatively about their thought process. Which can lead the affected person to conclude that most people are at best negative or simply ignorant compared to themselves.