I just need a place just vent some felling as some things I can't talk to others. Where to start, I live in a fairly nice house (rented) I had everything set up the way I wanted. My bedroom my pride and joy and my frountroom nicely set up. While other things where not perfect I still liked my rented house and my neighbours nicest peaple you could ever have and a quite street but it wasn't to last. Yesterday I was told that the owner had split from his partner and wanted to move back in and I have 8 weeks to move out.
I hold no grudge to the owner as it is his house and he had always been nice to me for 4 years I had lived there. The estate agent was kind enough to hold a house for me for about the same rent. But there's a few problems. The house is smaller, by a busy road but the biggest is that there is no garden. I did not want a garden as such (plants always die on me anyways) my last garden was just slabs of concrete but it was good to go out to destress.
I went to have a look at the house and it is very tidy I have to say with only the kitchen looking a bit tired but won't cost much to spruce up. I will be going soon again with my mum and see what she thinks.
As I say it wasn't purfect by any means it got very lonely, I am slowly getting older. I'm nearely in my 30's (I don't look like it as some peaple told me) and I never had a partner, once that I met a nice girl on line (so I thought) but backstabed me for a older guy (a creep I never trusted) she was really to young and naive (not to much younger so nothing weird) she kept making everything sexual which was not what I was looking for. But didn't last long which was for the better and I am only intrested in more muture females but still be fun to be around with.
My next neighbour is a very pretty woman i was always happy when she opened the door when ever my parcel when't to them. She has a very nice relaxing voice that would help me relax me. But like any girl I meet is taken. But in fairness she is very happy and looks like that her partner does a lot to make her happy. Also they have little girl.
When ever I see nice girls my age they seem to never look at me and I see couples that like each other it makes me sad (never jealous).....
I never cuddled, hold hands or kissed a girl. Sex to me is not impotent to so that's the least of my worrys. I always wanted a girlfriend that had similar issues as me and also intrested in things such as rock music and horror movies. With the issue thing I mean something that my tormented her in the past and help each othe and her to get past it, it would make feel like a better person. It would help if she has AS or so as I have, I also get lots of anxiety and low confidence.
Next thing is that national identity, I considered myself British but I had a Belguim passport but that is revoked and I want to apply for a british nationality but it costs a arm and a leg and have about 2 years as we are leaving the EU. The other that worried me was the attacks the eu based nationality would get. I could see before it would if we did indeed leave the eu. Need some majer saving to do.
I have a lot of guilt, had over £8000 and I spent it all this was about 5 years ago. It was back payment of my dla and such and I had nothing to show for it I when't to Cardiff doing stuff like the cinema (a girlfriend would be handy) can't tell what most of it went to mind. There's many things I am guilty of but none of it so bad, not breaking the law and such.
I also wanted to build my pc and learn new skills (don't have many apart from drawing) I don't have cheap taste so I wanted to build a desk top and it would cost normaly £1500 but can get it much cheaper built by learning dissbillty centre that builds pc and such. Thing is the reason I am typing this is this is coming from my dla (or whetever it is called now) and I have not earned it that's why I have joined the group and help there business, they also sell second hand pcs and gear for peaple with dissbillty s.
Last thing I can think of is that I also struggle with clothing and can't wear want I want to wear as I find clothing size chaotic. They are too small or too big and I can go on for ever. I'm not skinny which does not help
I am keeping my identy hidden as I am to embarrassed to let you guys and girls know who I am.
