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Some Aspergers Relationship Advice

timww87

Hey everyone,

Good Morning. I hope that this finds everyone well.

I am a 29-year-old living in Bristol in England and was diagnosed with mild Asperger's in the summer of 2014. I always found it really hard to date someone and/or adapt to the standard of societal codes for dating, such as not realising that I was being a bit too intense with a girl by asking to exchange telephone numbers too quickly in a club.

I have been reading up on the relationship side of things and am still struggling and finding it hard to date someone, i.e. the initial stages/saying that I want to meet someone for a coffee. I used the line that I couldn't face the rejection, which is true, but I feel much stronger in myself and better about my diagnosis, so would like some general advice about dating from/for people with Aspergers. I am not a lop-sided tongued inanimate figure from a Hogarthian print that doesn't know how to say to someone that I like them as I have told some girls I am fond of them, but like I say I welcome any advice about dating as I haven't dated anyone for my whole twenties and since the age of 18.

Thank you!

Tim 

  • tim, I'm probably the last person to offer advice on this kind of thing because I've never had a girlfriend. But, even so, I think what you seem to be saying is that you are 'coming on too strongly', too quickly.

    You might be frightening girls off because you put them under too much pressure and are pushing them into a commitment, something people don't feel comfortable with. The best thing to do it take things easy, take them as they come without pushing people, and give them plenty of 'slack'.

    Be attentive and polite but not overbearing. I know this is not easy for Aspies but is it something that one has to try to control as much as possible otherwise girls might get the impression that there is something not quite right.

    Another thing to mention is not to talk to much about your 'special interests', something which Aspies are inclined to do and other people may find a bit boring.

    If a girl likes you then you will probably get to see her again but you can't force things. Things have to develop naturally over time and if a girl really isn't interested you can't do much about it, I'm afraid.

    I know it's hard for you to read the signs but then you have to allow for error and do your best to be as charming as possible. If you think a girl does like you then phone her up later and see what kind of response you get.

    If you don't get success at first then you need to 'play the field' because there is bound to be someone who you click with eventually. In fact, it's better to call off a relationship that is doomed to fail earlier rather than later because it can be so much harder to deal when things have gone too far.

  • Thank you for your quick reply, Tom. My goodness, I really felt for you about what you wrote about what the woman said.

    Have a good day