Hate myself

Really hate myself I hate my autism I hate my life I feel like I've been cursed. Feel like ending it and that everyone's against me. my name is rachel I'm 24 years old and have Asperger syndrome. I feel like a bad person my boyfriend hates me and so do his family. Right now I feel like bella from twilight new moon when she loses Edward I feel like I have a huge whole in my heart that won't go away. When my boyfriend told me he loves me but can't handle a relationship right now my life ended. I just wish I could run up to him massive hug and everything will be ok but sadly life don't work like that.