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what is it like to have a non-verbal autistic sibling?

Driven

I am the eldest at 19 I have 2 non verbal autistic brother who are younger than me and I have another normal brother.

I wanted to ask another sibling how has it has affected your life?

For me it has caused me to want to become the greatest i can be and to be number 1.

Everyday i think how can i improve both physically and mentally I also think about money allot and i want to become as rich as quickly as possible and will do whatever it takes to get there, i so desperately want success. 

They have also caused me to be so compassion to other and understand others, i absolutely hate when i see vulnerable victims get bullied this really hurts and I help them as much as i can, i also don’t like the fact that i am to compassionate for others as i see this as weakness as i know people will somehow take advantage of this

I am also worried that in the far future it will be so difficult for me to find a women to marry and have kids as they will all think i have defected genes which is understandable even if it’s not proven but i won’t blame them.

I also feel so bad for my parents and i feel so guilty of what they have to go through, i don’t think i have ever really felt as happy as other people in life.

I have recently began to question my own sanity, even though no has said that i have a mental condition i think that i have mental problems that other don’t.

I fear the future as i want to take care of them but i want a life of my own and i am going to have a to pick the one or the other as i don’t want them in a home i know whatever i choose i will be so depressed.

I also always feel lonely and hollow inside but i keep it to myself, my brother have defiantly made me realise that life is not joke and that i must conquer it no matter what it takes.

If you have a sibling with non verbal autistism tell me how have they impacted your life and personality?

I know what I wrote is not constructive order but these are just what I am thinking right now and I just wanted to get it off my chest.


SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD,SAD

i understand its not their fault that their like this and i accept it but i deepdown feel sad but i ultimatly love them so much that i know i have explored deeper depth of the feeling of love and that i can show it to others thats why alot of people like me, the future women in my life are going to be lucky of the love i show them.