Still waiting to see what Im dealing with.
Does anyone else struggle like this socially?
Someone I know who is married and of the opposite sex who I think Im starting to get on well with, I keep everything functional - I want to be more friendly, but I can't ask those questions. I know that she's keen on xyz and I know someone who can help her with that and thought I could introduce her. I send her a message and she comes back asking if I had a good week and she would love to meet that person.
Im left struggling wondering whether I should say ask her about her week. To me that seems a bit creepy, too personal, too direct. It feels wrong. But analysing, there's nothing wrong with it, it's friendly. Why can't I ask? Why do I struggle to ask? In the end I disobeyed my instinct and forced myself to ask but I still just feel awful about it.
Get to see her in person, and I don't ask about it. I don't talk to her, I don't do anything. Someone talked about her legs, completely innocent. That's acceptable conversation? Talking about someones uncovered legs? Why didn't I know that?
I saw something while I was out shopping that reminded me of her, so I bought her that. But then because I didn't want to look like I was coming on to her, I bought other people the same thing.
What on earth am I doing? Am I sexualising things? Do I fancy her, is that the problem? Am I simply too close? I feel a bond and a connection to her, I sense many similarities. Like I want to be her big brother and little brother at the same time. I haven't said or done anything wrong. Why am I so guarded? I don't think I'd talk about anybodies legs full stop!
She didn't say two words to me again. Did she want to discuss the email? Why did nobody offer me a lift back. Now Im in a bad mood. Im catastrophising. How dare they do this to me. What have I done wrong. Why can't they talk to me? Why can't they ask how Im getting on? Why don't they want to connect to me? They're all talk. Why can't they initiate? Why can't they invite me somewhere? Why are other people so unpredictable? One day they want to speak to you, they make time for you, give you eye contact, send you emails with smily faces full of energy. Other days it's like they're on another a planet and I think I've done something wrong. But because Im catastrophising, it's not me, it's them.
Im angry now. I know Im angry.
But I take a step back, and realise Im an idiot. I didn't talk to anyone either. I never told anyone I wanted to talk to them. I just said bye and walked off. I didn't stop to talk. Alas, what do I have to talk about!?
As soon as I get a message back, or I get to talk to this person, I know that all the anger will dissipate. I'll forgive. Even though they've done nothing wrong.
Now I don't feel angry. I feel stupid.
Does any of this make any sense?
What can I do to connect more solidly with someone with sexualising, without catastrophising, accepting that their unpredictability is normal, not to mention getting more confidence in being able to write things like "how was your week".