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I don't wanna leave my autistic friend

Steven17

I'm gonna go on a bit so I apologise in advance. 

I met my best friend Olly when we were in year 0. We weren't really friends so to speak back then though as I had my squad and he hung out by himself every lunch. I remember thinking he was weird. Sometimes he would curl up rocking and start 'chanting' or counting. I had no idea why at the time and the kids in my class were pretty damn cruel to him. 

His mum complained to the school about how he was being treated which my mum heard about. She decided to invite Olly round which of course, I hated at first but we actually got along really good and by the end of the year, we were best friends and hung out with each other all the time in and out of school. I protected and defended him. He still had regular 'moments' as I call them but I got pretty good at calming him down. I knew how to talk to him. 

By high school, me and Olly were like brothers and I lost a lot of friends due to my refusal to ditch him. He would still get a lot of cruel comments directed at him but I defended him when I could. Again, he had his 'moments' but I took most of the same lessons as him so I was there when he needed me. Anyway, I'm now in my final year of A-Levels and I'm applying for apprenticeships while he's applying for universities. It'll be the first time in 14 years we won't be together which devastates us both.

I know I'm overreacting as he's staying local and I have to let go someday but I'm scared for him, he's not great with social situations, he still holds and squeezes the hell out of my hand if he's in a crowded area. I know that sounds embarrassing to some but it helps him so I don't mind. If he's really stressed, he curls up and blocks everyone out, I'm the only one who can calm him down. I love him, he's my brother, I'm just scared. I don't know what to do...

  • That's a really touchy story. I went to uni over 200 miles from home so I had to make new friends which was hard for me.

    Why not still hang around regularly together if he goes to a local uni? It may be that you can help make others understand him which may make him make some other friends too or even mutual friends? I found at uni that people are far less judgmental. If he can find a coping strategy whilst meeting new people he might be ok. If I had better insight into the possibilities then i can give more specific advice.

  • You are clearly going to miss each other when your lives change and no wonder you are worried.

    Will Olly get support at university? Nowadays universities will provide support and mentors for autistic students. I'm just thinking that if you knew he had some support you would worry less.

    You could agree to check in with each other throughout the day, especially when Olly is finding things hard. I think you're concerned that he won't be able to manage and you won't be there to help him, so he needs some ways to cope.

    You and Olly could look at stuff like http://braininhand.co.uk/ Technology might be the bridge between you now that you can't always be together.

  • You're doing wonderful and everyone should have a friend like you, willing to stand by them no matter what.

    This is simply something that I think you will both work through at own pace.  He knows you are only a phone call away. If he don't like phones, then you only a text away.

    Good luck

  • Hi Steven17

    Every one needs a friend like you, you sound like you have really helped your friend over the past 14 years. There is lots of help he can get at university so just make sure that if he wants to he applies for that. 

    Be sure to remind him your always only a phone call away and im sure that will really help too. 

    Wish him luck at university and good luck with you apprenticeship. 

    Jessica123