Having a brother with Autism

Hi there :) I am 21 yrs old and have a brother of 17yrs old with Autism. My brother was diagnosed with Autism when he was around 10 years old - so quite late on. It was obvious he had some form of learning disability since he was about two, but the waiting list at the time was that bad, he wasn't diagnosed until then. He has always disliked most forms of affection, had obsessions with the TV/gaming from an early age and finds social situations very difficult if they're not with his friends. Finding it really tough just now seeing my mum struggling with his lack of motivation in life, not wanting to go to school, but not wanting to do anything else either. He's just on his computer playing video games 24/7. Doesn't help with any chores around the house, and my mum doesn't even try to make him anymore. I find it so hard not being able to talk to him normally, he just doesn't care to converse in any way unless it's to show you a video of something. My mum does everything for him - scared that if she doesn't, he'll just rot away in his room. I hate the way she does everything for him. He's perfectly capable of doing it himself he just chooses not to because he knows she'll do it. Me and a lot of other people have said to my mum that she needs to try and give him more responsibility but it seems like she just can't be bothered. Like she's too tired to try anything else. I am finding it's depressing me a lot because I don't like going home to that sort of unhappy/resentful environment. She resents him and makes comments about him not talking to people a lot or similar but at the same time she doesn't make it any better by hindering his independence. She's depressed about it but she's not prepared to change. I'm always biting my tongue about making a comment about what she's saying/doing for him. I don't like being at home much really. Don't enjoy it if it's for more than a few days now. Does anyone have any advice? :(

Parents
  • Sounds very similar to me when I was that age. I was diagnosed a little later in life at 49. I am sure your mother wants to do everything that she can for her boys. I remembier conversation broke down between my siblings, just a difficult age for any teenager. I think you just need to show you are there for him, wether he speaks to you or not. I also confined myself to my bedroom, generally I was depressed, but felt more comfortable on my own, it was the place where I felt the least depressed. I don't know what to suggest, it is an awful situation. Your mother and brother seems to be lost in the general routine of day to day life. I hope there is someway your brother can find another interest to focus on.

Reply
  • Sounds very similar to me when I was that age. I was diagnosed a little later in life at 49. I am sure your mother wants to do everything that she can for her boys. I remembier conversation broke down between my siblings, just a difficult age for any teenager. I think you just need to show you are there for him, wether he speaks to you or not. I also confined myself to my bedroom, generally I was depressed, but felt more comfortable on my own, it was the place where I felt the least depressed. I don't know what to suggest, it is an awful situation. Your mother and brother seems to be lost in the general routine of day to day life. I hope there is someway your brother can find another interest to focus on.

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