Adult autism- how to get diagnosis?

I see some really good advice here, and basically I just need to keep pushing. 

I want the diagnosis for both our sanities, I have already got our eldest confirmed as ASD and there are times in my house that I am surprised that murder has not been commited, I have a 40 yr old a 15 yr old and a 13 yr old who are completely incapable of expressing themselves or indeed reacting to each other in a way that doesnt end up in a shouting match. 

I have tried in vain to get us a social worker, which took up a whole week of my life, several 100 phonecalls and alas, still no help. 

When I went for counselling and when I speak to people about what I deal with everyday , they shake their heads as to why I withstand the behaviour which is basically abusive. I love my family dearly but I cannot cope any longer without them understanding themselves. 

My husband cannot or will not work , he hasnt done for over 7 years! when he did work he never supported me or the kids, his money was his and he did as he pleased. 

He doesnt cope well in house, having days where he wont take his medication for whatever paranoid reason he comes up with, the half an antidepressant he does take seems to be more of a placebo effect ( completely independantly this was picked up on by both his doctor and pyschologist, I will add) than it is actually an aid. 

He can barely cope with a trip round morrisons wthout wanting to ram his trolley into someone! 

I walk on eggshells with what mood he will get up in, somedays he is the nicest person you will meet but more than 85% of the time he is totally selfish, self rightous, incapable of adult conversation, comprehension or thought. He can just about cope with the routine for the younger 3 children, ie school runs and meals once they are home, but he frequently gets anxious, stressed or angry over things - even having quite stern words with teachers over very trivial things. Any thing more than the basic routine is my job. 

He will throw things or be aggressive, and although he has never hurt anyone on purpose, he did fracture his mums leg a few years ago when he launched a toy across the floor and it hit her in the shin! All because he was cross over standing on a smaller childs toy! 

I worry so much that something will happen whe I am not here but I cannot allow him to hold us back as a family any more. I have taken up a degree course this september - purely because he will not ever be able to support us and I cannot bear another minute on benefits trying to keep my sanity - I have been unemplyed for the last 3 years because of my own health. 

I just want it there, in black and white, so that he will perhaps have a reason to look beyond his current state of mind, that being - that he is useless, old and 'just an angry person' who 'noone cares about' which just isnt true! Perhaps with a diagnosis he could find a sympathetic employer who can support him back to work. Maybe i can access some more support or indeed at last hear the truth that I was not living with a monster for all this time and that he really is the loving, considerate person that I see on occassion and know deep down that he is - I have slowly over the last year managed to get him to see that but he still will not accept it from me. 

I deal with all the forms, escort him to doctors appointments ( he wont go alone he may as well be a recluse tbh, aside from occassional days out when he is accompanied by myself, he would never take the kids out on his own , further than an empty local park), His mum has offered up valuable information on his behavour as a child, that being he didnt sleep for 4 years and displayed an awful lot of ASD, OCD, ADHD issues even at an early age.

He ended up in hospital with indegestion a few weeks ago because he convinced himself it was a heart attack and had an anxiety attack, the proceeded to continue having them throughout the night and shout at the nurses for their incompetence while he apparantly 'couldn't breath' - it was highly embarassing! I have found myself on the wrong side of his temper when he has threatened to drive himself into trees or off bridges, he is so uttery convinced he is a failure that I cannot seem to get him past it. 

I just need help before I have to give up on him, because that will not end well :( 

I see some really good advice here, and basically I just need to keep pushing. 

I want the diagnosis for both our sanities, I have already got our eldest confirmed as ASD and there are times in my house that I am surprised that murder has not been commited, I have a 40 yr old a 15 yr old and a 13 yr old who are completely incapable of expressing themselves or indeed reacting to each other in a way that doesnt end up in a shouting match. 

I have tried in vain to get us a social worker, which took up a whole week of my life, several 100 phonecalls and alas, still no help. 

When I went for counselling and when I speak to people about what I deal with everyday , they shake their heads as to why I withstand the behaviour which is basically abusive. I love my family dearly but I cannot cope any longer without them understanding themselves. 

My husband cannot or will not work , he hasnt done for over 7 years! when he did work he never supported me or the kids, his money was his and he did as he pleased. 

He doesnt cope well in house, having days where he wont take his medication for whatever paranoid reason he comes up with, the half an antidepressant he does take seems to be more of a placebo effect ( completely independantly this was picked up on by both his doctor and pyschologist, I will add) than it is actually an aid. 

He can barely cope with a trip round morrisons wthout wanting to ram his trolley into someone! 

I walk on eggshells with what mood he will get up in, somedays he is the nicest person you will meet but more than 85% of the time he is totally selfish, self rightous, incapable of adult conversation, comprehension or thought. He can just about cope with the routine for the younger 3 children, ie school runs and meals once they are home, but he frequently gets anxious, stressed or angry over things - even having quite stern words with teachers over very trivial things. Any thing more than the basic routine is my job. 

He will throw things or be aggressive, and although he has never hurt anyone on purpose, he did fracture his mums leg a few years ago when he launched a toy across the floor and it hit her in the shin! All because he was cross over standing on a smaller childs toy! 

I worry so much that something will happen whe I am not here but I cannot allow him to hold us back as a family any more. I have taken up a degree course this september - purely because he will not ever be able to support us and I cannot bear another minute on benefits trying to keep my sanity - I have been unemplyed for the last 3 years because of my own health. 

I just want it there, in black and white, so that he will perhaps have a reason to look beyond his current state of mind, that being - that he is useless, old and 'just an angry person' who 'noone cares about' which just isnt true! Perhaps with a diagnosis he could find a sympathetic employer who can support him back to work. Maybe i can access some more support or indeed at last hear the truth that I was not living with a monster for all this time and that he really is the loving, considerate person that I see on occassion and know deep down that he is - I have slowly over the last year managed to get him to see that but he still will not accept it from me. 

I deal with all the forms, escort him to doctors appointments ( he wont go alone he may as well be a recluse tbh, aside from occassional days out when he is accompanied by myself, he would never take the kids out on his own , further than an empty local park), His mum has offered up valuable information on his behavour as a child, that being he didnt sleep for 4 years and displayed an awful lot of ASD, OCD, ADHD issues even at an early age.

He ended up in hospital with indegestion a few weeks ago because he convinced himself it was a heart attack and had an anxiety attack, the proceeded to continue having them throughout the night and shout at the nurses for their incompetence while he apparantly 'couldn't breath' - it was highly embarassing! I have found myself on the wrong side of his temper when he has threatened to drive himself into trees or off bridges, he is so uttery convinced he is a failure that I cannot seem to get him past it. 

I just need help before I have to give up on him, because that will not end well :(