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Autistic nephew says I make him anxious - what can I do?

heynonnynonny

For the past year my nephew has been very distant to me. He is 15 and autistic. We never used to have an issue but now whenever I see him he runs away or puts his hood up and refuses to look at me. He has even refused to be in the same room as me and I have had to leave the room as he wouldnt even walk past me. Initially when his parents asked why he said I asked too many questions so I stopped asking questions to try and make him more comfortable but instead of getting better it has gotten worse. Today he told them I make him feel anxious and he doesnt know why. Is there anything that I can do to make it better? I dont want to force him to talk to me, in fact I know I wouldnt be able to as he would just run away and put his hands over his ears. So how can I make the situation better if I cant talk to him? I was waiting it out just hoping it would get better but it's a year now and it's getting worse. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  • Autism involves difficulties processing social discussion, even a one-to-one, which means getting progressively less effective as it is tiring to try to understand. So many people avoid social interchange and concentrate on what is necessary.

    Dialogue with parents may be as much as he can handle. Dialogue with anyone outside that context, especially dialogue for dialogue's sake, may be quite uncomfortable. Non-autistic people have this need to be friendly, and to form social bonds. The nature of the social interaction difficulties experienced by people on the spectrum mean that such bonding is unneccessary and undesirable.

    Also he is 15, and even if garbled, he will pick up some of his peer group's discussions of the motives of adults.

    Maybe respecting the distance he seeks is the best way forward.