How to tell someone they are autistic

How do you know they are autistic?

They may actually know they are autistic and just simply haven't told you that they are because we do not have to disclose that information

If people suspect or work out that we are then all you need to do is give us the understanding that we need in life. We don't have to be medically diagnosed for people to give us the right help to get through life.

Diagnosis meant my quality of life improved and people are able to help me the way I need and I am able to walk away from people who - but not everyone needs the diagnosis to get the help.

Just access the help from this website and be a friend for that person and that is more valuable. If something is overwhelming them allow them to express it their way and don't worry about it being simple in your eyes. What has helped with me is building up my own network of people who I know I can trust when I am overwelmed. I still don't always interact with them as non autistic and have moments but I know I can totally trust them. That means so much.

So don't be worried by that they may or may not be autistic as in a medical diagnosis. Just observe and allow them the freedom to be who they are with you.

Thanks guys!! You're replies are very much appreciated.

Marjorie that is a very good point about using gentler words!

I think it would depend who the person is, what problems this person is having, and what your relationship to them is.

If they are an employee of yours who is having trouble at work, there ought to be some procedures in place to refer someone for help, eg through Occupational Health (rather than you personally telling them)

If they are a close friend that you are in danger of falling out with, it is probably good to discuss the issues with them, but I am not sure how you would go about broaching the subject of autism. If you are autistic yourself it would certainly be easier to just come out with it and say "when you do X it reminds me of when I do Y, have you ever thought you might also be autistic". Or something like that. Whatever you say, I guess you will need to reassure them that you are still going to remain their friend whatever. 

If they are family, are they older or younger than you? Has anyone else in the family expressed concerns? There is no "cure" for autism however if someone wants to change certain behaviour it is possible. How likely is it that to happen, from past experience? I have not disclosed my diagnosis to my parents as when I tentatively broached the subject, they made it clear that they think of autism as something "wrong". And they are too old and set in their ways to change their behaviour.

I think the time when you may need to be blunt with someone is if they are in some kind of danger. But you need to think about what kind of help is available for them if they are diagnosed, so if you decide to say something, make sure you can offer them contact details of organisations who can help, and are not just giving them "bad news" and running away. 

I recently had a quandry with another relative who has some autistic traits, and was unemployed and depressed. I wondered if disclosing my diagnosis might prompt them to think about their situation and seek help. In the end I said nothing, as I feared that they might come to the conclusion their issues were incurable, and it could push them over the edge. And there is very little help available in their area. I am glad that I did not say anything at that point, as they have now found a job and seem much happier. I did make a point of saying to them that I was there for them if they ever needed me, and have given them practical help, which was appreciated.

Perhaps "having some Aspergers characteristics" is a more user-friendly way of putting it than Autistic. There has been much debate on here about labelling, but I favour the gentle approach.

As a nation we tend to use the word alzeimers for dementure, even when it is wrong and "the big C" for cancer. People say " getting a bit wobbly" for depression and anxiety and tummy upset for etc etc etc.

Euphemisms allow a subject to sink in slowly, rather than going into total denial and getting upset about it.