Hi all,
So I am new to this site, but not new to my relationship. Myself and my partner have been together for 2 years and have been the closest of friends for the last six.
We have a relationship that I love, I am lucky to feel on a daily basis that flutter in your tummy you get when you are first falling for someone. There is no doubt in me that he is the man i am going to spend the rest of my life with.
I have always known he had aspergers, in fact he had just recieved his diagnosis when we met all of those moons ago. We became close as I offered understanding and a calm space that he could retreat to when things became hard for him.
Since we have been together however he does not seem able to find that space with me. As I type this he has left. He left last night as I made a comment about him getting lost in his work again, when we had arranged to spend some time together.
He got angry (it is worth noting that he is never violent, he has in the past hurt himself in frustration but this has not happened for many years). He was shaking and I could see that he had reached his point of no return. I know no way of communication with him when he reaces this point. I could be telling him how much I love him or even something mundane and domestic and he would take it as a personal attack and become increasingly cross about the unfairness of it all on him.
We have had a difficult week and life is throwing as it does a whole array of challenges our way. I understand that for him this all becomes one big overwhelming mass of danger, but yesterday in my mind we had sat down and made sense of how we are effecting each other at this time and how we need to change things to improve the situation.
The conclusion of this was that I feel hurt when he has no time for me, he feels trapped when i demand time for him. If he gets busy with work he has less time to give and the cycle continues. I am left feeling alone and insignificant and he is feeling hassled and put upon. Last night he had said we would sit round the fire and spend the evening reconnecting. At half eleven he was still sat in a seperate room working.
I made a comment on this, he offered me a drink i replied 'i dont want a rum i want my boyfriend'.
This was the cause of him to leave, and he has had his phone off ever since and I have heard nothing. He has another space, in the form of a studio about a mile from our house. I know he will be there. But I still feel worried that he is not safe, I feel like I have no idea what is going on, whether he will come back at all and what this means for our relationship.
The feeling on insignificance and unimportance, my theme when things get hard, has of course been compounded by him leaving, i havent slept. Am rattling around the house lost and so have come here to seek, well im not sure what im seeking... help? Support, a sense of togetherness perhaps. Or even just a place to be heard.
Thank you for reading!
much love