need some advice or something i guess

Hi Mr Moo & welcome,

  I'm not sure if it's of any help, but I read 'Living well on the spectrum' by valerie Gaus (Primarily for my son) and found some of the info contained in it, quite helpful for myself, (I'm also Aspie) in looking at what i find difficult to manage and working out strategies to overcome those difficulties.

My own failed attempts in the conventional working world have been pretty disasterous until my own late diagnosis and the understanding of my own condition and why I struggled so much.

In an effort to secure employment for my own children in the future; whom I knew would struggle with employment in the same way as I did, (I have two on the spectrum) i began to work for myself from home. This catered for three difficulties I was experiencing at the time. One, my care commitments and the need to be home for my children when they were ill or in meltdown, the other, having a life beyond care that gave me purpose and that was meaningful for me and the last, being able to contribute to society as well as the family income.

Working for yourself has it's challenges, but well maintained and monitored it can be tailored to suit you. I work part-time at the moment to accommodate the care commitments of my children and if the care increases by any significant amount or I become unwell myself through stress, I simply don't work.

My son, who had significant difficulty finding paid employment, has now done the same thing, but needs greater support, so he works part-time, supported, self-employed. Again, he does what he can manage, rather than what an employer demands, which has turned out to be a perfect fit for him.

In reading what you have written, I think that I have gleened (correct me if I'm wrong.) that you have not come to terms with your diagnosis or at least that you view it very negatively and more like a curse.

Autism certainly does present life with some huge barriers, not least others prejudice, however as an Aspie you are also extremely unique and no doubt have some amazing skills that others are clearly not clued into.

Can I make a suggestion?

Sit down. Draw up a list of what you want for your life and what you are good at. This could be simply, to be happy or I'm good at IT. (Apologies for the stereotype.) Break it down and work out what will make you happy and place it in a column. If, like me, it's being able to contribute, then put that down. It's all important, no matter how small.

Then, list the issues you have difficulty with. Don't waste your energy on focusing on things that you cannot change.(Your Aspieness for example) focus on what you struggle with and situations you want to avoid to keep stress levels down for yourself in a work environment.

Thirdly, draw up a middle column of how to circumnavigate your difficulties. Strategies if you will. My son also sufferes with severe dyslexia. In order to get by, he has someone else draw up receipts and manage any paperwork, yet in the machinery dept he's brilliant.

Nothing is insumountable, it's just that sometimes we have difficulty seeing it. When I did the above, my personal list of flaws and difficulties was way longer than my attributes list. It took someone to sit me down and make me realise that I was way better at a whole lot more than I realised or gave myslef credit for, things that i didn't recognise as anything special, but now realise others don't or cannot do. Don't be affraid to involve others to help you with your list and to see what skills you do have.

The strategies flowed very easily once I began to look at things in a more balanced light. Valerie Gaus's book may help here. As Aspies we are prone to focus on the negative and sometimes closed and cyclic thinking, but her book does seem to use identification of ones areas of difficulty as a tool to overcome obsticles, rather than a stick to beat yourself with. An introspection which is positive, if you will.

Once you have identified what you want to do and what you excell at, surround yourself in enablers. If visualization is a struggle, create a mood board with your goal firmly at the centre and add ideas and goals as you go if you want. Your dreams and hopes can change and grow, that's ok. And if you need help, don't be affraid to ask people.

You haven't said what your previous work was or indeed what you enjoy or are good at, but if you do decide to go self-employed, part-time, supported or otherwise, then do consider enlisting on some courses to help you. Business enterprize schemes run across the country and some may be funded by grants if money is an issue, so have a good look around.

I have suffered severe depression most of my life and I cannot pretend that a life supporting two children on the spectrum also, has been easy, but at least now I feel I have a little more control over my destiny and a greater understanding of myself. Understanding myself better has also given me options I had never considered before. It's not been an easy road for me by any means and it's not for the faint hearted, but at least now I feel I have purpose and hope, as do my children. 

I realise that you are male and you may not feel that this link is appropriate, but I found it very helpful whan considering my life changes surrounding work and my eventual decision to go self-employed. Have a little read and see what you think.

musingsofanaspie.com/.../

Lastly, do consider emotional help if you need it. A good therapist can really help in times of crisis or when greater perspective is needed. The community is always on hand to offer up advice, so do ask here if you need support.

Keep each goal managable, small and in keeping with your own needs and abilities and hopefully a new perspective will emerge. 

I wish you all the best Moo.

Take Care

Coogy

Hi Mr Moo & welcome,

  I'm not sure if it's of any help, but I read 'Living well on the spectrum' by valerie Gaus (Primarily for my son) and found some of the info contained in it, quite helpful for myself, (I'm also Aspie) in looking at what i find difficult to manage and working out strategies to overcome those difficulties.

My own failed attempts in the conventional working world have been pretty disasterous until my own late diagnosis and the understanding of my own condition and why I struggled so much.

In an effort to secure employment for my own children in the future; whom I knew would struggle with employment in the same way as I did, (I have two on the spectrum) i began to work for myself from home. This catered for three difficulties I was experiencing at the time. One, my care commitments and the need to be home for my children when they were ill or in meltdown, the other, having a life beyond care that gave me purpose and that was meaningful for me and the last, being able to contribute to society as well as the family income.

Working for yourself has it's challenges, but well maintained and monitored it can be tailored to suit you. I work part-time at the moment to accommodate the care commitments of my children and if the care increases by any significant amount or I become unwell myself through stress, I simply don't work.

My son, who had significant difficulty finding paid employment, has now done the same thing, but needs greater support, so he works part-time, supported, self-employed. Again, he does what he can manage, rather than what an employer demands, which has turned out to be a perfect fit for him.

In reading what you have written, I think that I have gleened (correct me if I'm wrong.) that you have not come to terms with your diagnosis or at least that you view it very negatively and more like a curse.

Autism certainly does present life with some huge barriers, not least others prejudice, however as an Aspie you are also extremely unique and no doubt have some amazing skills that others are clearly not clued into.

Can I make a suggestion?

Sit down. Draw up a list of what you want for your life and what you are good at. This could be simply, to be happy or I'm good at IT. (Apologies for the stereotype.) Break it down and work out what will make you happy and place it in a column. If, like me, it's being able to contribute, then put that down. It's all important, no matter how small.

Then, list the issues you have difficulty with. Don't waste your energy on focusing on things that you cannot change.(Your Aspieness for example) focus on what you struggle with and situations you want to avoid to keep stress levels down for yourself in a work environment.

Thirdly, draw up a middle column of how to circumnavigate your difficulties. Strategies if you will. My son also sufferes with severe dyslexia. In order to get by, he has someone else draw up receipts and manage any paperwork, yet in the machinery dept he's brilliant.

Nothing is insumountable, it's just that sometimes we have difficulty seeing it. When I did the above, my personal list of flaws and difficulties was way longer than my attributes list. It took someone to sit me down and make me realise that I was way better at a whole lot more than I realised or gave myslef credit for, things that i didn't recognise as anything special, but now realise others don't or cannot do. Don't be affraid to involve others to help you with your list and to see what skills you do have.

The strategies flowed very easily once I began to look at things in a more balanced light. Valerie Gaus's book may help here. As Aspies we are prone to focus on the negative and sometimes closed and cyclic thinking, but her book does seem to use identification of ones areas of difficulty as a tool to overcome obsticles, rather than a stick to beat yourself with. An introspection which is positive, if you will.

Once you have identified what you want to do and what you excell at, surround yourself in enablers. If visualization is a struggle, create a mood board with your goal firmly at the centre and add ideas and goals as you go if you want. Your dreams and hopes can change and grow, that's ok. And if you need help, don't be affraid to ask people.

You haven't said what your previous work was or indeed what you enjoy or are good at, but if you do decide to go self-employed, part-time, supported or otherwise, then do consider enlisting on some courses to help you. Business enterprize schemes run across the country and some may be funded by grants if money is an issue, so have a good look around.

I have suffered severe depression most of my life and I cannot pretend that a life supporting two children on the spectrum also, has been easy, but at least now I feel I have a little more control over my destiny and a greater understanding of myself. Understanding myself better has also given me options I had never considered before. It's not been an easy road for me by any means and it's not for the faint hearted, but at least now I feel I have purpose and hope, as do my children. 

I realise that you are male and you may not feel that this link is appropriate, but I found it very helpful whan considering my life changes surrounding work and my eventual decision to go self-employed. Have a little read and see what you think.

musingsofanaspie.com/.../

Lastly, do consider emotional help if you need it. A good therapist can really help in times of crisis or when greater perspective is needed. The community is always on hand to offer up advice, so do ask here if you need support.

Keep each goal managable, small and in keeping with your own needs and abilities and hopefully a new perspective will emerge. 

I wish you all the best Moo.

Take Care

Coogy