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Should we reward for stuff they struggle with??? Consequence views and school advice

jrandall10

Hello everyone

What's people's views on rewarding? Should we reward our asd/spd 7 year old daughter for the things she struggles with e.g. playing, homework and eating new foods? We use a golden tickets thing n it does work but should she be getting a reward for stuff she should just be doing? 

Also we have found a consequence that changes her behaviour but I give just a warning first which usually works. Hubby thinks it should be an instant consequence, what's everyone else's views?

Also I see her struggling with school work but school say they're not worried, should I leave it or keep pushing??

Thanks in advance

Jayne :-)

Parents

  • In learning theory everything is seen as having consequences that are rewarding or punishing (punishing in this sense meaning anything even mildly unpleasant: we are not talking about physical punishment)

    Your daughter is probably struggling because these things to her have inbuilt punishing elements: eg playing with other kids has inbuilt rewards for other kids: instinct tells them to do it, and being with other people releases positive chemicals in the brain.  For your daughter though it's 'work' and can be confusing and tiring, perhaps even unpleasant if it's noisy or something.

    So rewards in these cases are probably just re-balancing things and giving her good associations to go with these activities.

    Think of it another way: how would you feel if your boss at work told you you should 'just do things' and not get the reward of wages?  Also think about the difference between the carrot and the stick: would you like a boss who told you off when you got anything wrong, and ignored it when you did right? Or would you like them to congratulate you, and maybe give you a bonus when you did right?

    Everyone works better with the carrot/praise.  But just praise may not be really understood or enjoyed by your daughter: rewards make it easier to understand and enjoy.

    On the schoolwork issue, you might just have to accept that in some areas she's always going to be able to do less. That doesn't mean she's less clever: just a lot of things are more stressful/tiring for autistics.  If the school is happy, I'd try not to worry too much.

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  • In learning theory everything is seen as having consequences that are rewarding or punishing (punishing in this sense meaning anything even mildly unpleasant: we are not talking about physical punishment)

    Your daughter is probably struggling because these things to her have inbuilt punishing elements: eg playing with other kids has inbuilt rewards for other kids: instinct tells them to do it, and being with other people releases positive chemicals in the brain.  For your daughter though it's 'work' and can be confusing and tiring, perhaps even unpleasant if it's noisy or something.

    So rewards in these cases are probably just re-balancing things and giving her good associations to go with these activities.

    Think of it another way: how would you feel if your boss at work told you you should 'just do things' and not get the reward of wages?  Also think about the difference between the carrot and the stick: would you like a boss who told you off when you got anything wrong, and ignored it when you did right? Or would you like them to congratulate you, and maybe give you a bonus when you did right?

    Everyone works better with the carrot/praise.  But just praise may not be really understood or enjoyed by your daughter: rewards make it easier to understand and enjoy.

    On the schoolwork issue, you might just have to accept that in some areas she's always going to be able to do less. That doesn't mean she's less clever: just a lot of things are more stressful/tiring for autistics.  If the school is happy, I'd try not to worry too much.

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