right i have one little problem i need help with well to me its quite big but anyway for years i have wondered why my the help i had at school at one point in my life was changed with out anyone telling me and to make things worse all she told me was that everthing will be the same and now after a very long time i have a chance to find out why but what do i tell he because i am still angry about what she did but i dont have the guts to tell her how i feel
if anyone can help i would be most greatful
The Major
If I can offer a few suggestions based on what you've written, perhaps you could have another go at explaining the situation. It is clear that you've been caused much distress by someone.
I don't know if you are writing as someone diagnosed with aspergers or about someone so described. If the former, one trait of aspergers is to nurse grudges, and reprocess and reprocess the circumstances of the grievance in your head, part of a spiralling anxiety and negative reinforcement tendancy that affects some people on the spectrum.
You need to try to get a "detached" view of this incident. By detached I mean you need to separate out what you perceive was done by "her" that caused you problems. Divide this between actions that can clearly be explained to someone else as things she did, and things you perceive might have been her intentions or prejudices towards you, that you can only really guess about and cannot prove. Thirdly set out clearly how you feel these things affected you. Sit down with someone you trust and go over the points to get that trusted person's feedback and insight.
Worrying about an issue or slight is very common in neurotypicals, but some people on the spectrum take it much much further. Because of the time taken up going over and over the hurt, they end up giving too much valuable living time to the grievance.
Notionally, going over the issues ought to smooth and sooth them. But sometimes going over them tends to reinforce the damage. Repeating the hurt in your mind multiplies the negative feelings you have way above realistic concern. So you need to try particularly hard to rationalise and symplify grievances so you can put them to one side and get on with life.
Don't think I'm making light of something that has clearly hurt you. I do spiralling anxiety and grievance magification all the time, but have had to learn a system for managing it and getting it down to size.
If I can offer a few suggestions based on what you've written, perhaps you could have another go at explaining the situation. It is clear that you've been caused much distress by someone.
I don't know if you are writing as someone diagnosed with aspergers or about someone so described. If the former, one trait of aspergers is to nurse grudges, and reprocess and reprocess the circumstances of the grievance in your head, part of a spiralling anxiety and negative reinforcement tendancy that affects some people on the spectrum.
You need to try to get a "detached" view of this incident. By detached I mean you need to separate out what you perceive was done by "her" that caused you problems. Divide this between actions that can clearly be explained to someone else as things she did, and things you perceive might have been her intentions or prejudices towards you, that you can only really guess about and cannot prove. Thirdly set out clearly how you feel these things affected you. Sit down with someone you trust and go over the points to get that trusted person's feedback and insight.
Worrying about an issue or slight is very common in neurotypicals, but some people on the spectrum take it much much further. Because of the time taken up going over and over the hurt, they end up giving too much valuable living time to the grievance.
Notionally, going over the issues ought to smooth and sooth them. But sometimes going over them tends to reinforce the damage. Repeating the hurt in your mind multiplies the negative feelings you have way above realistic concern. So you need to try particularly hard to rationalise and symplify grievances so you can put them to one side and get on with life.
Don't think I'm making light of something that has clearly hurt you. I do spiralling anxiety and grievance magification all the time, but have had to learn a system for managing it and getting it down to size.
