Unsympathetic Dr

Hi,

I don't know your sons situation, but I can guess from what you say, that a lot of his early experiences have been very negitive and that this has had a detrimental impact on him.

However, I think that if you are lying to her each time you visit; about your sons accomplishments, She probably does feel as though she's setting small tasks that she believes are achievable by your son and that these are successful because of the feedback she gets.

Have you considered reading, 'Living Well On The Specrum,' by Valarie Gaus to help your son? It's a work book with great insights and may help your son.

As parents it would be very easy for us to sit back and let our children stay in their room on the computer all day. After a serious assault on my son, that's exactly what happened to him. It was nearly 2 years before we managed to move him out of his comfort zone and we very nearly gave up. Sometimes we need to push the boundries a little with our children, if only to reinforce a more positive self-esteem.

I realize this can be hard. My son did an ASDAN course for life skills and did well in the course, but translating skills learned in a class environment to everyday living is a completely different senario and it's often difficult for those with ASD to even identify when these skills need to be applied. My son still requires considerable support and steering in daily living, but given instruction and guidence he does achieve small tasks.

The thing is, that with regular exposure and patience it is possible to learn new skills and this can have the effect of lifting morale as different goals are achieved.

If I were you, I would talk to the GP and mention that your son finds these tasks set by her, stressful (If that really is the situation.) Tell her that you are happy to visit each month, but that you would like to take control of setting your son some tasks yourself, as you have found a workbook that focuses on an individuals weaknesses and uses them to achieve positive outcomes. Tell her that you are happy to return on a regular basis to see her and show her the book if necessary. This will give control of any tasks set, back to the family and reduce his anxiety over the visits. Also it will reduce the need for you to lie. You never know, she may even give you a longer note. while you start working with him.

Discuss the workbook with your son first or course, and then see if he would like to explore and identify some of the issues he struggles with and look at ways of achieving other things.

Your son made a valid point. 'Why would I do anything that has no self gain?' If you expect your son to learn some life skills, you have to give him the reason for doing it, which benefits him. Keep that in mind as you look at the different aspects of living well on the spectrum.

No one is in a better position than youself to say whether your son should be entirely supported or not. This is a judgement call for you and you only, but it is possible with the right support to make small progressive steps toward a little more independance. My son will always need support, but their are some things he can do if prompted.

I think this issue of being vewed as a scrounger is very detrimental to those with ASD. It can force those who are not ready, into situations that they cannot cope with (For not wanting to be viewed as such.); or on the flip side, make others feel worthless. Support is there for those most in need. If that is your son, then accept his limitations and support him as best as you can. What others think is not your issue or their business.

All of us need a purpose in life, no matter how small. It may be that this Gp's level of knowledge about ASD is poor, but if that's the case, she needs enlightening. It may be that she sees many others without ASD, who are just playing the system.It's her job to decide who they are and act accordingly.

I hope my ramblings are of some help.

Coogy

Hi,

I don't know your sons situation, but I can guess from what you say, that a lot of his early experiences have been very negitive and that this has had a detrimental impact on him.

However, I think that if you are lying to her each time you visit; about your sons accomplishments, She probably does feel as though she's setting small tasks that she believes are achievable by your son and that these are successful because of the feedback she gets.

Have you considered reading, 'Living Well On The Specrum,' by Valarie Gaus to help your son? It's a work book with great insights and may help your son.

As parents it would be very easy for us to sit back and let our children stay in their room on the computer all day. After a serious assault on my son, that's exactly what happened to him. It was nearly 2 years before we managed to move him out of his comfort zone and we very nearly gave up. Sometimes we need to push the boundries a little with our children, if only to reinforce a more positive self-esteem.

I realize this can be hard. My son did an ASDAN course for life skills and did well in the course, but translating skills learned in a class environment to everyday living is a completely different senario and it's often difficult for those with ASD to even identify when these skills need to be applied. My son still requires considerable support and steering in daily living, but given instruction and guidence he does achieve small tasks.

The thing is, that with regular exposure and patience it is possible to learn new skills and this can have the effect of lifting morale as different goals are achieved.

If I were you, I would talk to the GP and mention that your son finds these tasks set by her, stressful (If that really is the situation.) Tell her that you are happy to visit each month, but that you would like to take control of setting your son some tasks yourself, as you have found a workbook that focuses on an individuals weaknesses and uses them to achieve positive outcomes. Tell her that you are happy to return on a regular basis to see her and show her the book if necessary. This will give control of any tasks set, back to the family and reduce his anxiety over the visits. Also it will reduce the need for you to lie. You never know, she may even give you a longer note. while you start working with him.

Discuss the workbook with your son first or course, and then see if he would like to explore and identify some of the issues he struggles with and look at ways of achieving other things.

Your son made a valid point. 'Why would I do anything that has no self gain?' If you expect your son to learn some life skills, you have to give him the reason for doing it, which benefits him. Keep that in mind as you look at the different aspects of living well on the spectrum.

No one is in a better position than youself to say whether your son should be entirely supported or not. This is a judgement call for you and you only, but it is possible with the right support to make small progressive steps toward a little more independance. My son will always need support, but their are some things he can do if prompted.

I think this issue of being vewed as a scrounger is very detrimental to those with ASD. It can force those who are not ready, into situations that they cannot cope with (For not wanting to be viewed as such.); or on the flip side, make others feel worthless. Support is there for those most in need. If that is your son, then accept his limitations and support him as best as you can. What others think is not your issue or their business.

All of us need a purpose in life, no matter how small. It may be that this Gp's level of knowledge about ASD is poor, but if that's the case, she needs enlightening. It may be that she sees many others without ASD, who are just playing the system.It's her job to decide who they are and act accordingly.

I hope my ramblings are of some help.

Coogy