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Is there anyone here that can help??

lisajayne84

Hi,


Im Lisa, a 27 year old mom of 3 lovely boys. Im feeling rather out of my depth coming onto this forum as at the moment feel that me and my little family dont fit in anywhere. I thought I would try here to see if there is anyone here who is or who has gone through our situation and to ask for advice, knowledge and to know really that we're not alone in this, as we are feeling very isolated. My middle son Callum, since about the age of 2/3 we knew he was an extreme child, and very aggressive. We just thought that he was just expressing himself and that with age would grow out of it. By the age of 3 he got excluded from his private day care due to his aggressive and harmful nature towards himself and others. He progressed into mainstream school where he became the 'blame child' for everything, im not saying that he didnt do it as 99.9% he did but teachers readily admitted that they didnt always look into situations before making him go through the consequences. Me and my husband decided to move them schools as my eldest boy Brad didnt seem to be doing to well either educationally at this school. The problem was that it all followed them in the sense that nothing had changed, i still had parents confronting me over my one boy, i keep getting called in every night to be given a list of things he has and hasnt done that day. Hes quite the playground spectacle. Parents looking on and sniggering as Callum (as i put it goes off like a bottle of pop) and hits, throws himself all over the place, grunts, barks and refuses to do anything. the teachers treat him like a naughty child, they speak down to him and its so dramatised and public, they intervene in my parenting to furthermore embarass and frustrate me. Callum looks back as if to say whats happening, truth is I dont know, all i know is thats my son being frog marched into school and hes not naughty. I decided to go to my GP not because i cant cope with Callum, because i cant cope with others actions, reactions, and nasty remarks and ignorance. He sent me to a specialist service. Hes been screened twice and they say he has Autism and ADHD, hes been to a Panel? and been marked as urgent due to the harm he causes himself and others and has to see a phsycotherapist? The school says theres nothing 'wrong' (what an awful way to speak!) and that its down to bad parenting and naughty behaviour! Whilst we have all this going on Brads school call me and my hubby in to say that theyve taken him off the cirriculum that hes 2 years behind and he needs to be looked at?? So he too has now been sent and is awaiting screening. I love my kids more than life itself, and I cant bare that theyre struggling for x amount of hours a day and being treated like this. I mean they did an IEP for Callum and its completely unrealistic if the unconfirmed diagnosis is correct. I dont know what to do as I cant speed up the diagnosis to know where we stand and I cant change peoples ignorance either. I cant talk to my mommy friends as they dont understand what its like no matter how hard they try and some friends and family would prefer not to accept whats going on. Ive lost many a so called friends. Im constantly on edge worried if theyre safe, if others are safe, if theyre happy or if theyre been punished for something thats out of their control... I dont really even understand thoroughly what Autism is no matter how much i read as it appears to vary so much, all I understand is that my boys dont seem to fit into a stereotypical box that society expects you to fit into. Is there anyone who can share their experiences with me for support, and hope? Theres so many questions I have and so many unsurities, I mean will my boys have a good quality of life? will they live independantly? do they know any different? Thank you in advance to any one who has taken the time to read my post and / or replies. (and apologies for the essay!) best wishes, lisa :)

Parents

  • Oh no :( well my eldest son did that a few times too, but thankfully hasnt done it lately. From what I  could understand it was his way of being 'silly' or 'funny' but didnt realise how inaproprite his actions were. Sometimes it was because he was in an awkward situation, for example one day a group of girls were laughing at him and being a bit nasty so rather than the obvious action of being cross or running off etc, he flashed. Ive been speaking to some really helpful people on here and from what i can gather its just best to treat them as a normal so whatever you do like time out, use a cross voice etc do it and then explain after. Youre right we do just have to keep trying and stick with it, if your unsure put posts on here someones bound to be able to help! You need to look at all the pros and cons of school and home school, not just short term but the long term. As much as i would love to keep my boys home me and my husband feel that they need to be out there in the big world where they have to experience things alone as we hope this will help them to try and pick up on acceptable / not acceptable behaviours, rather than them getting into adult life and still not understanding social rules etc. Apart from this we hope that it encourages them to enjoy friendship where they can, and to experience things that we couldnt provide at home. Its a big job and i honestly couldnt do it, i mean especially say if i was ill etc to keep two kids on a school timetable would be trying, especially with lots of distractions like tv, phone, my baby screaming. But you need to do whats best for your kids, i know you say you think the one may wish to stay at school, would it be possible to so part time school or something? that way he could get the playtime etc with friends? Try not to get disheartened, i know its far easier said than done though! Sending best wishes and hoping your week improves  :)

Reply

  • Oh no :( well my eldest son did that a few times too, but thankfully hasnt done it lately. From what I  could understand it was his way of being 'silly' or 'funny' but didnt realise how inaproprite his actions were. Sometimes it was because he was in an awkward situation, for example one day a group of girls were laughing at him and being a bit nasty so rather than the obvious action of being cross or running off etc, he flashed. Ive been speaking to some really helpful people on here and from what i can gather its just best to treat them as a normal so whatever you do like time out, use a cross voice etc do it and then explain after. Youre right we do just have to keep trying and stick with it, if your unsure put posts on here someones bound to be able to help! You need to look at all the pros and cons of school and home school, not just short term but the long term. As much as i would love to keep my boys home me and my husband feel that they need to be out there in the big world where they have to experience things alone as we hope this will help them to try and pick up on acceptable / not acceptable behaviours, rather than them getting into adult life and still not understanding social rules etc. Apart from this we hope that it encourages them to enjoy friendship where they can, and to experience things that we couldnt provide at home. Its a big job and i honestly couldnt do it, i mean especially say if i was ill etc to keep two kids on a school timetable would be trying, especially with lots of distractions like tv, phone, my baby screaming. But you need to do whats best for your kids, i know you say you think the one may wish to stay at school, would it be possible to so part time school or something? that way he could get the playtime etc with friends? Try not to get disheartened, i know its far easier said than done though! Sending best wishes and hoping your week improves  :)

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