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Is there anyone here that can help??

lisajayne84

Hi,


Im Lisa, a 27 year old mom of 3 lovely boys. Im feeling rather out of my depth coming onto this forum as at the moment feel that me and my little family dont fit in anywhere. I thought I would try here to see if there is anyone here who is or who has gone through our situation and to ask for advice, knowledge and to know really that we're not alone in this, as we are feeling very isolated. My middle son Callum, since about the age of 2/3 we knew he was an extreme child, and very aggressive. We just thought that he was just expressing himself and that with age would grow out of it. By the age of 3 he got excluded from his private day care due to his aggressive and harmful nature towards himself and others. He progressed into mainstream school where he became the 'blame child' for everything, im not saying that he didnt do it as 99.9% he did but teachers readily admitted that they didnt always look into situations before making him go through the consequences. Me and my husband decided to move them schools as my eldest boy Brad didnt seem to be doing to well either educationally at this school. The problem was that it all followed them in the sense that nothing had changed, i still had parents confronting me over my one boy, i keep getting called in every night to be given a list of things he has and hasnt done that day. Hes quite the playground spectacle. Parents looking on and sniggering as Callum (as i put it goes off like a bottle of pop) and hits, throws himself all over the place, grunts, barks and refuses to do anything. the teachers treat him like a naughty child, they speak down to him and its so dramatised and public, they intervene in my parenting to furthermore embarass and frustrate me. Callum looks back as if to say whats happening, truth is I dont know, all i know is thats my son being frog marched into school and hes not naughty. I decided to go to my GP not because i cant cope with Callum, because i cant cope with others actions, reactions, and nasty remarks and ignorance. He sent me to a specialist service. Hes been screened twice and they say he has Autism and ADHD, hes been to a Panel? and been marked as urgent due to the harm he causes himself and others and has to see a phsycotherapist? The school says theres nothing 'wrong' (what an awful way to speak!) and that its down to bad parenting and naughty behaviour! Whilst we have all this going on Brads school call me and my hubby in to say that theyve taken him off the cirriculum that hes 2 years behind and he needs to be looked at?? So he too has now been sent and is awaiting screening. I love my kids more than life itself, and I cant bare that theyre struggling for x amount of hours a day and being treated like this. I mean they did an IEP for Callum and its completely unrealistic if the unconfirmed diagnosis is correct. I dont know what to do as I cant speed up the diagnosis to know where we stand and I cant change peoples ignorance either. I cant talk to my mommy friends as they dont understand what its like no matter how hard they try and some friends and family would prefer not to accept whats going on. Ive lost many a so called friends. Im constantly on edge worried if theyre safe, if others are safe, if theyre happy or if theyre been punished for something thats out of their control... I dont really even understand thoroughly what Autism is no matter how much i read as it appears to vary so much, all I understand is that my boys dont seem to fit into a stereotypical box that society expects you to fit into. Is there anyone who can share their experiences with me for support, and hope? Theres so many questions I have and so many unsurities, I mean will my boys have a good quality of life? will they live independantly? do they know any different? Thank you in advance to any one who has taken the time to read my post and / or replies. (and apologies for the essay!) best wishes, lisa :)

Parents

  • Hi Oatie,

    Thank you so much for your post :) its been amazing and so refreshing to meet such wonderful people, who are so helpful. its awful isnt it when they say such inconsiderate things. Im glad that you and your son are moving forward happier, thats what i am aiming to do, and i think there may be light at the end of the tunnel for us too :) I think as parents its our biggest worry apart from health for our kids is happiness, and when they appear so angry and frustrated and hurtful its awful as you just want to help them feel happy but its sometimes not that easy is it. I, usually quite a confident, outspoken person, and nothing tends to phase me, but i think ive just been ground down and the feeling of helplessness started to set in. But i have made some headway at school, it was a rather emotional day prior as it was my sons birthday who we lost some years ago, so where as i would generally pick my words well, i spoke my mind instead, and it worked! the school saw where i was coming from and the pros and cons of the situation we are in and its renewed the team and i now feel we are all walking forward together in this. Im struggling at the moment as me and my partner took the view that as it has been said unofficially (by the screening nurses and workers etc but not on paper as a diagnosis as yet) we decided not to say anything to the boys, and only to people on a need to know basis who have close contact with them as we wanted to have it right in our minds before sitting with them and explaining so that any questions they have we will hopefully be able to answer a little. I do feel the injustice of other peoples actions and i need to let it go, and be a little more like you and not care, as i used to be like it but we all have stressed times so maybe thats why. I really hope that your assessment comes through quickly and that you carry on making good progress understanding the triggers and that he continues to improve. Ive found some fun family outtings have really helped take the pressure off where its just us, no ignorance, no worries just us and the outdoors really gave us the laughs that we all needed, and a boost forward. wishing you all well and thank you again so much for your help, i look forward to hearing from you soon! keep in touch all our best wishes to you, Lisa :)

Reply

  • Hi Oatie,

    Thank you so much for your post :) its been amazing and so refreshing to meet such wonderful people, who are so helpful. its awful isnt it when they say such inconsiderate things. Im glad that you and your son are moving forward happier, thats what i am aiming to do, and i think there may be light at the end of the tunnel for us too :) I think as parents its our biggest worry apart from health for our kids is happiness, and when they appear so angry and frustrated and hurtful its awful as you just want to help them feel happy but its sometimes not that easy is it. I, usually quite a confident, outspoken person, and nothing tends to phase me, but i think ive just been ground down and the feeling of helplessness started to set in. But i have made some headway at school, it was a rather emotional day prior as it was my sons birthday who we lost some years ago, so where as i would generally pick my words well, i spoke my mind instead, and it worked! the school saw where i was coming from and the pros and cons of the situation we are in and its renewed the team and i now feel we are all walking forward together in this. Im struggling at the moment as me and my partner took the view that as it has been said unofficially (by the screening nurses and workers etc but not on paper as a diagnosis as yet) we decided not to say anything to the boys, and only to people on a need to know basis who have close contact with them as we wanted to have it right in our minds before sitting with them and explaining so that any questions they have we will hopefully be able to answer a little. I do feel the injustice of other peoples actions and i need to let it go, and be a little more like you and not care, as i used to be like it but we all have stressed times so maybe thats why. I really hope that your assessment comes through quickly and that you carry on making good progress understanding the triggers and that he continues to improve. Ive found some fun family outtings have really helped take the pressure off where its just us, no ignorance, no worries just us and the outdoors really gave us the laughs that we all needed, and a boost forward. wishing you all well and thank you again so much for your help, i look forward to hearing from you soon! keep in touch all our best wishes to you, Lisa :)

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