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Feeling hurt

north london mum

Hi guys im a mum to a wonderfull 3 year old who has high functioning autism his been having a few bad days and finding hard to settle at night i can handle all that its just a typical day what im finding difficult and feeling really hurt is that lastnight i had a call from my husbands aunt and we were talking about my son and out of the blue she says ill be truthfull withyou she and her sister both thought that i was being a lazy mum when we were going trough the diagnosis but now they know he has got it its ok they dont think that !!!! I was so shocked i didnt say anything untill i came of the phone and just burst into tears i wonderd how could anyone think that when all ive done is be nice to these people i feel really hurt by her coment they do not know the struggles my son gos through they dont see the struggle i go thtough as mum trying my best to help my son though day to day my husband has said just forget about it i know i should but when someone is judging you as a pearent it really is hurtfull i now feel like i dont want nothing more to do with his family as this is not the first time they have had something to say about me we have family christening coming up and i just dont want to go to it or any other family doos my husband says im too nice and because of that readon thats why i dont say anything and keep quiet but im hurting on the inside just dont know what to do 

  • in reply to Lewishad

    Oh and she wasnt offering to do them for me either lol! Xx

  • in reply to north london mum

    I feel for you. It just goes to show how people make assumptions on others parenting. I know having an autistic toddler is absolutely exhausting and heartbreaking and you dont need to hear silly comments like that. She didnt have to tell you that's how she felt!! I'm sure she probably wasnt expecting to upset you so much but I can understand why it did. I was judged constantly with my son. Hes 10 now and only recently diagnosed last January. I got told I was too soft on him, hes naughty, I cant cope, all sorts. You know your child more than anyone. Dont listen and dont let it get you down. You are managing a situation that isnt the norm and it is hard. They have no idea of what your days are like.  Concentrate on your child and remember to take some time for yourself when possible and dont feel guilty for it. If people constantly make your feel bad just keep contact minimal. I dont speak to a few people anymore because they just put me down. My son had a 2 hour meltdown where he cracked his own head open in the process and my MOL was only keen to comment on the few pots I hadn't washed up yet!!!! Some people are just ****holes lol. Keep your chin up. Xxx

  • Thank you guys just needed to get it off my chest I've not been feeling to great I've got bad case of tonslites at moment little one is having a few bad days not sleeping not wanting to go into nursery think it's just taking its toll at moment I know she means well and would be the first to defend me actually it just came as shock more then anything think I just needed reassurance that's why I come on here as I know that so many have been in situations like this I really don't know what I would do with out all your help and advise this site really had helped me as a mum x

  • I have a brother like that Socks. Like you, knowing has made me way more forgiving of others.

    Let it go North London Mum. Concentrate your efforts on your child, it's a waste of energy to divert your attention on what others think.

    Cx

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Your husband's aunt was trying to say that she can see that there is a real problem with your son. She probably didn't mean to wind you up any more but people have a habit of saying things that can be upsetting. It is upsetting to know how much effort you have put into managing him and the outside world just don't see that and they just make judgements on how well behaved he is.

    I have an aunt from my father's side of the family who we have always found to be rude and obnoxious. Now that I have a diagnosis and I can see that I got it from my father. It is clear to me that she is also severely afflicted by HFA. This insight has allowed me to be much more forgiving in my dealings with her. I know that she means well but has a tendency to open her mouth without understanding what the impact will be.