Since I was a teenager I have become very very self-conscious, to the point of thinking that everyone is looking at me; and I can't help but think that everyone else can somehow see inside my head and read my thoughts. Although I know that this is not possible, I can't really emotionally believe this fact - there seems to be a disconnect between my intellect and what I actually feel.
It can feel as though people can penetrate my mind, and this means that everything I do feels unnatural because it feels as though everyone is watching. This can feel quite uncomfortable because I would like to concentrate on the outside world and take in what is going on around me instead of being so self-absorbed. I just cannot separate my mind from my ego, or really accept on an emotionaal level that other people are not looking at me all the time. What is this all about? When I was a child, I was an attention seeker and would misbehave and 'act out' in order to be noticed because I did not know how to relate to people in an appropriate way. There is still a bit of this in me and I love being on stage and people noticing me; but when I am not on stage, while I sort of enjoy being in the lime light, I also get distracted by other people because I can't distance myself from them. It is like my mind and their mind have merged and there are no boundaries. Again, I can intellectualise this and I know that most people do not have this issue, but I can't stop myself from thinking that what I think somehow becomes reality for other people.
Since I was a teenager I have become very very self-conscious, to the point of thinking that everyone is looking at me; and I can't help but think that everyone else can somehow see inside my head and read my thoughts. Although I know that this is not possible, I can't really emotionally believe this fact - there seems to be a disconnect between my intellect and what I actually feel.
It can feel as though people can penetrate my mind, and this means that everything I do feels unnatural because it feels as though everyone is watching. This can feel quite uncomfortable because I would like to concentrate on the outside world and take in what is going on around me instead of being so self-absorbed. I just cannot separate my mind from my ego, or really accept on an emotionaal level that other people are not looking at me all the time. What is this all about? When I was a child, I was an attention seeker and would misbehave and 'act out' in order to be noticed because I did not know how to relate to people in an appropriate way. There is still a bit of this in me and I love being on stage and people noticing me; but when I am not on stage, while I sort of enjoy being in the lime light, I also get distracted by other people because I can't distance myself from them. It is like my mind and their mind have merged and there are no boundaries. Again, I can intellectualise this and I know that most people do not have this issue, but I can't stop myself from thinking that what I think somehow becomes reality for other people.
