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Pushing other children over help

TJ

Hi (again)

My boy is nearly 4 and I when I collected him from childminder last week she barraged me with how bad he had been, he was pushing the 2 other children (apparently he really meant it in a nasty way!!!!) and he was constantly opening her cupboard doors and fridge etc. She has just moved house so I said he was probably stressed with this, plus there suddenly was an extra child there now as well. He does open and shut doors, flick switches, press buttons unfortunately but tends to do this when bored. He has quite a long day there but I felt really upset as she also said her daughter was fed up with him climbing on her when she said no - he does this to cuddle, its his way of being affectionate. I went home and sobbed for a while and only took him for half day the next time. He also attends mainstream preschool 2 mornings a week and today they said he pushed 2 children when outside. They are keeping an eye on this but I am finding it hard to explain that he does not understand the consequences of doing this and how we should deal with it. They also said he has started stroking the hair of the girls with the back of his hand (he does this to me) and then rubbing his face in their hair and they dont like it. Its so hard as this is him being affectionate. I feel whatever he does it is not going to be socially acceptable by others and feel so despairing by it all. It is like he is an outcast already at this age and his actions are inappropriate. The preschool are fine and understanding but it still upsets me. Does anyone have any strategies regarding pushing other children as he does not seem to understand it is wrong and am I expecting too much and worrying too much about how others perceive my child. He is very passive normally and it seems so out of character. I am currently seeing if he can attend a local special school for a couple of mornings if they will take him as I feel he needs more specialised support than the childminder (and I dont think he has been happy there for a while as there is nothing to do) and also keep him at current preschool as well as he does enjoy it. I just cant bear to think that already, children dont like him as they have said a few are more wary of him now. He is non-verbal so it makes it all the more difficult. I just feel so anxious and worried for his future and cant seem to have any positive thoughts recently. Any advice or sympathy would be appreciated!! Many thanks 

Parents

  • Hi Liz

    Thanks so much for that it has really helped. I have actually been assertive for once and fingers crossed they are looking into him attending a special school a year early for a couple of mornings and then his usual preschool for a couple. I should find out next week. This way it will also keep my options open for the future. I agree, the childminder has been lovely but think she has been v stressed with things recently and didnt realise that a move of house would upset him. He doesnt always show stress well (eg by being obviously upset) and so this is when he does these things. Plus I do think she realises she did go aboout it the wrong way in telling me as I was so upset by it.The pushing children we are working on and EYears have been round to explain how to deal with it as he  may have to stay a bit longer wit her until the other school is sorted out. So I really hope that this works out, he is an intelligent boy but needs real motivation and one to one attention and childminders cant always do that as they have others to see to as well. Im glad your son has settled but lifes not easy is it - Ive had one good day and the rest hideous this week but try and focus that one day is better than none!!

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  • Hi Liz

    Thanks so much for that it has really helped. I have actually been assertive for once and fingers crossed they are looking into him attending a special school a year early for a couple of mornings and then his usual preschool for a couple. I should find out next week. This way it will also keep my options open for the future. I agree, the childminder has been lovely but think she has been v stressed with things recently and didnt realise that a move of house would upset him. He doesnt always show stress well (eg by being obviously upset) and so this is when he does these things. Plus I do think she realises she did go aboout it the wrong way in telling me as I was so upset by it.The pushing children we are working on and EYears have been round to explain how to deal with it as he  may have to stay a bit longer wit her until the other school is sorted out. So I really hope that this works out, he is an intelligent boy but needs real motivation and one to one attention and childminders cant always do that as they have others to see to as well. Im glad your son has settled but lifes not easy is it - Ive had one good day and the rest hideous this week but try and focus that one day is better than none!!

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