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Pushing other children over help

TJ

Hi (again)

My boy is nearly 4 and I when I collected him from childminder last week she barraged me with how bad he had been, he was pushing the 2 other children (apparently he really meant it in a nasty way!!!!) and he was constantly opening her cupboard doors and fridge etc. She has just moved house so I said he was probably stressed with this, plus there suddenly was an extra child there now as well. He does open and shut doors, flick switches, press buttons unfortunately but tends to do this when bored. He has quite a long day there but I felt really upset as she also said her daughter was fed up with him climbing on her when she said no - he does this to cuddle, its his way of being affectionate. I went home and sobbed for a while and only took him for half day the next time. He also attends mainstream preschool 2 mornings a week and today they said he pushed 2 children when outside. They are keeping an eye on this but I am finding it hard to explain that he does not understand the consequences of doing this and how we should deal with it. They also said he has started stroking the hair of the girls with the back of his hand (he does this to me) and then rubbing his face in their hair and they dont like it. Its so hard as this is him being affectionate. I feel whatever he does it is not going to be socially acceptable by others and feel so despairing by it all. It is like he is an outcast already at this age and his actions are inappropriate. The preschool are fine and understanding but it still upsets me. Does anyone have any strategies regarding pushing other children as he does not seem to understand it is wrong and am I expecting too much and worrying too much about how others perceive my child. He is very passive normally and it seems so out of character. I am currently seeing if he can attend a local special school for a couple of mornings if they will take him as I feel he needs more specialised support than the childminder (and I dont think he has been happy there for a while as there is nothing to do) and also keep him at current preschool as well as he does enjoy it. I just cant bear to think that already, children dont like him as they have said a few are more wary of him now. He is non-verbal so it makes it all the more difficult. I just feel so anxious and worried for his future and cant seem to have any positive thoughts recently. Any advice or sympathy would be appreciated!! Many thanks 

Parents

  • Hi TJ,

    My son (James 2 yrs 9 months) was also with a childminder until March this year. Although James wasn't pushing the other children over he certainley wasn't progressing and I felt as a parent that I was dumping a problem child on her!!!! She was lovely but neither of us were comfortable with the situation.

    I took James out of child minder care and enrolled him at a nursery, I feel much more comfortable with him at a nursery as we have a 4 weekly meeting to dicuss James' development. James' speach therapist also visits the nursery to help them introduce PECs and story boards. James still gets very frustrated as he is also non verbal (he tends to hit himself or slam his toys than push other children) but I work much more closely with the nursery to ensure we are doing the same things at school as we are doing at home and thankfully this engagement is cutting down his frustartaion.

    Don't get me wong this isn't a bed of roses but both me and James are much happier than we were when he was with his childminder. As to pushing other children over I guess you just have to reinforce the issue over and over and over and over and over and over and over..... again to get him to stop and ask his nursery/child minder to engage him in other things that interest him.

    If all else fails get grumpy.....neither you or you child should be penalised for his disability..... they wouldn't expect a child with no legs to run would they!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Liz x

Reply

  • Hi TJ,

    My son (James 2 yrs 9 months) was also with a childminder until March this year. Although James wasn't pushing the other children over he certainley wasn't progressing and I felt as a parent that I was dumping a problem child on her!!!! She was lovely but neither of us were comfortable with the situation.

    I took James out of child minder care and enrolled him at a nursery, I feel much more comfortable with him at a nursery as we have a 4 weekly meeting to dicuss James' development. James' speach therapist also visits the nursery to help them introduce PECs and story boards. James still gets very frustrated as he is also non verbal (he tends to hit himself or slam his toys than push other children) but I work much more closely with the nursery to ensure we are doing the same things at school as we are doing at home and thankfully this engagement is cutting down his frustartaion.

    Don't get me wong this isn't a bed of roses but both me and James are much happier than we were when he was with his childminder. As to pushing other children over I guess you just have to reinforce the issue over and over and over and over and over and over and over..... again to get him to stop and ask his nursery/child minder to engage him in other things that interest him.

    If all else fails get grumpy.....neither you or you child should be penalised for his disability..... they wouldn't expect a child with no legs to run would they!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Liz x

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