With perfect seasonal timing, my part -time work has finished in time for the demands of the little people and all things academic and career orientated.
The youngest is in meltdown with a crisis of confidence and hours of tears, door slamming and tantrums ensue and for the second time in as many terms I find myself having to contact the School and arrange a meeting to ensure all sides are singing from the same hymn sheet. The next child is on his second course of the same subject to try and consolidate what he missed the first time around and the last child is again plagued with ill health as he tries to navigate the further educational demands.
The truth is, I feel their pain. I know what it's like to believe your whole life that you must be stupid because you cannot cope with the little things life throws at you. At School it seems big enough, but then life as a transitioning young adult throws you the inevitable curve balls that somehow reinforces your belief that you are not coping that well.
It's tiring trying to bolster others when you have trouble convincing yourself. Will my kids ever realize how much support they have had from me? I wish I'd had a fraction of it from my own parents.
So when the Bear is in desperate need of Hibernation, she finds herself spinning too many plates at once whilst standing on one leg one day or balancing on a ball next. But these are not mere plates that I can replace, these are my darling boys. Fragile and in need of every skill i own, to hold them up and let them know they are of worth.
I'm so very tired and constantly in fear. I pray my efforts are of value, for circus bear is getting old…