swearing

Hi, hope you don't mind me putting my oar in here.. Don't have kids but was a potty-mouthed child who was constantly in trouble, and used to get my mouth scrubbed out with soap. 

I'd say your son is correct in saying that "for f word sake" is not swearing. Using this instead of an actual swear word must take quite a bit of self-control, so maybe in his mind he is being told off unfairly. Also, the fact he says sorry is a very good sign. 

I would be way more concerned about him having tried to hang himself, that is awful - both for you and him. Perhaps Mind or the Samaritans could offer some advice?

This friendship outcome could be right, he hasn't got many friends and as soon as he makes friends with others he loses them

Avy

Hi Longman sorry I didn't get back to you, I believe he is, the swearing in playground is awful I have spoken to school and they said they have spoken about this before and all they can do is to write to all parents once again

Avy

Is he being encouraged to swear by other children?  Kids are certainly not above taking advantage of kids on the spectrum when they realise they are easily convinced to do things they shouldn't on the promise of friendship or the threat of worse outcomes.

Hi no I haven't been able to get to any course as I work full time and I have used all my holiday 's up going back and forth to school meetings and to the peadiatrician, I do however plan to go on one in the new year, I know I've got to its finding time with me, I need anger management, and asperger, anxiety, and desperate for depression as I do not want him to try and hang himself again, this swearing is like the icing on the cake it's one thing after another .trying to stay strong but it's hard.

Avy

Hi Avy,

Have you seen or been aware of the courses that are run for parents of autitic children? There may be some tricks you could learn.

Hi margorie I have tried those and when I have selective hearing that is when he has a paddy and starts swearing more, he does however says he's sorry about 3 hours later 

Hi he is 10 and yes he has asperger and adhd with learning difficulties, I have tried so hard not to flip but he talks to me like dirt he is terrible and it seems to be me he confronts more than anything, I've tried everything from rewarding him to telling him it's hurting my ears but he doesn't budge, it's like he's not bothered

Avy

My daughter used to swear when speaking to me, just to annoy me, I think. It is maybe, a form of rebellion.

Sometimes it is better to ignor unwanted behaviour, rather than making an issue of it.

You could set aside a moment when he hasn't sworn for a while, and discuss it in terms of what other people will think of him for speaking like that. Some people say it shows a lack of vocabulary eg, so you could look for alternative words, with more relevant meanings. I made my children look up the words in the dictionary, so they knew what they were saying. I left them to it, when they did that. My son swore very little after that, but as I say, my daughter swore to annoy.

You could then be selectively deaf when he uses unacceptable language, just not respond when he asks for things, say. Or ask him to think of alternatives every time (or offer suggestions). There's nothing quite like annoying them back, in a very polite way, to wear them down. I think we have given up on the old fashioned idea of scrubbing the mouth out with soap and water, they'd ring child line now, wouldnt they.

Good luck

Hi Avy

How old is your son? Have you told him that people will still understand what he means when he says 'for f-word sake'? If he is ASD he may not see that if he is not technically swearing but implies swearing, this might be seen in the same way to others. Maybe there is an alternative word or expression that avoids any link to the f-word altogether that he could use?