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Thinking in the background vs drowning in thoughts and threads. does anyone else experience something similar?

haciaelvacio

I'm trying to put into words a particular way my mind works, and I'm wondering if others here experience something similar.

Sometimes I have several thoughts going on, and I can just somehow switch between them. Other times, there are so many threads that I can barely pick anything out, and it feels like the surface of an ocean I'm swimming in. Fragments of threads (or maybe whole threads) drift on the surface partially visible, and I can't seem to fish any of them out properly.

Sometimes, when I try to focus on something directly, I just can't. I'm flooded with many, or too many, threads and their fragments. Yet when I'm engaged in something else entirely, I follow some threads like in peripheral vision.

These situations make me feel that I can never focus on something or proceed with proper analysis, but at the same time I have these moments of clarity and discovery anyway. It feels like many things seem to happen in the background or in peripheral vision. A bit as if, despite not being able to think about something directly, threads and thoughts are being processed somewhere deep in the background even when I'm not aware of it. It's just as if things were happening under the surface of the ocean. Sometimes I stumble on fragments, and sometimes on whole threads holding together.

Does anyone else experience something similar, and with similar intensity?

Parents

  • Thank you all for your replies.

    I'm realising that I should clarify that I'm not really struggling or looking for a solution or productivity advice here. I’m quite alright with how things work, and I'm not complaining. I'm mainly curious about the mechanics of this processing style and wondering if anyone else experiences their thoughts in this specific, somehow subsurface or hidden, multi threaded way.

    @Iain, externalising planning to prioritise and offload things makes complete sense, and I see why it works well for many people. Even my neurodivergent therapist does things that way. But for me, intentional external systems like calendars, notes, bullet journals, either quickly cease to exist or just create friction. It's a bit like how I always imagine that having an empty, organised desk or going to a quiet library will give me focus, but it actually has the opposite effect, and I end up with brain fog or paralysed. I also can't easily visualise things in my head. It's only when I let myself wander, move, and keep things internal that thoughts assemble themselves in the background.

    @TheCatWoman, I find it fascinating how you can focus on one thing at a time. It feels a bit like science fiction to me. My baseline seems to be the opposite. Trying to force single focus directly onto an idea often makes it dissolve. On the other hand, letting it sit in peripheral vision while doing something else allows the whole pattern to resolve underneath the surface.

    @Marianne72, what you've mentioned about physical activity like walking or gardening actually touches upon what I have in mind. That kind of physical engagement seems to be what allows my background thoughts to work they way, and reach some resolution eventually.

    I suppose I'm just curious whether this kind of unintentional, background parallel processing is something other people recognise in themselves.

    To give a small example. Last night I had a rough idea of how to approach some tasks at work, and I thought I'd spend time refining it before going to sleep. I felt relaxed, but as soon as I tried to intentionally think it through, the whole thing fell apart. I lost clarity and just felt completely disorganised.

    Yet, when I woke up in the morning, the clarity was back on its own, with new ideas in place. I know that if I try to sit down and force a rigid plan, it collapses again. But if I just start moving and pick any task, I know things will fall into place. People might think I look like a headless chicken initially, but eventually I'll likely complete what I'm expected to. Well, maybe a bit more or a bit less in certain areas, and I may also forget something completely as well.

  • in reply to haciaelvacio
    haciaelvacio said:
    It's a bit like how I always imagine that having an empty, organised desk or going to a quiet library will give me focus, but it actually has the opposite effect, and I end up with brain fog or paralysed

    Out of curiosity, have you been assessed for ADHD?

    What you describe aligns with aspects of this so it may be worthwhile taking some of the free online assessments to see if this is worth investigating further.

    If this is the case then it can respond to medication - assuming you are actually looking to do something about the impact it is causing of course.

    This is not diagnostic or medical advice, just a suggestion to research if you are looking to do something about it.

  • in reply to Iain
    Iain said:

    Out of curiosity, have you been assessed for ADHD?

    What you describe aligns with aspects of this so it may be worthwhile taking some of the free online assessments to see if this is worth investigating further.

    If this is the case then it can respond to medication - assuming you are actually looking to do something about the impact it is causing of course.

    This is not diagnostic or medical advice, just a suggestion to research if you are looking to do something about it.

    "About haciaelvacio

    48 yo, autism and ADHD"

  • in reply to Bunny
    Bunny said:

    "About haciaelvacio

    48 yo, autism and ADHD"

    The reason I asked if they were assessed is that medication should not be considered without confirmation, and even then only on doctors advice. 

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