• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 28 subscribers
  • Views 921 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Relationships

concerned nan

Hello,  My Grandaughter has started a relationship with a lovely young man who is

Autistic.  She and him have a great friendship and chat and laugh constantly.  Please help me to understand why sometimes he will speak and other it as if we are not there.  He seems to have done well at school with special help and when you do get him to converse he is very intelligent. He is 20 now and said he is desperate to get a job but in this climate it is not easy.  He can drive and passed his test first time so that tells you something.  What worries me is will my Grandaughter and her boyfriend ever be able to progress this relationship as I know nothing about adults with Autisum and their ability to have long term relationships and families.  Some inforo and experiences would be appreciated.

  • There is help availiable accessing work...but  it is very variable by region; has he been in contact with his Local Autism Society with regards to this matter?

  • esThank you Outraged for you comments they have helped.

    E & S are very happy together a the moment but our worry is will she find he small circule of friends that they have enough for her in the future.  She was cred for by us since she was 11 and more like a daughter so want to be able to help and advise them both any way we can.  S is a lovely young man and we are trying to understand his problem, it is not fair that socie.ty treats this condition as it does.

    He is keep to work, but again he finds people and places distressing does any one know if he can ge further help.  He had it a school and achieved a lot, but none since.  He was reared by his fathernssince his Mother left along with his 4 brothers he is the eldest and Dad says he finds time hard to help him.

    Very concerned nan

  • " Please help me to understand why sometimes he will speak and other it as if we are not there. "

    That is partial catatonia (or as I like to refer to it in myself: reality editing). At the times he does not speak, he is likely to be finding social interaction to be a powerful stressor and is actively ignoring the situation as a coping stratedgy.

    He likely finds interactions with yourself and family difficult. In any relationship there is a percieved pressure to be acepted by the family/friends of the partner and he may fear that his Autism might prove a barrier to such aceptance. This hypothetical fear could well be sufficient to cause the behaviour you describe.

    As to the Relationship:

    First, it should be noted that Ive never been in a romantic or exclusive relationship so now Im really only indulging my love of speculation.

    Second, are they mutualy empathic?

    Relationships with persons with ASV's, like any other, can proceed well and if this seems to be the case now there is no glaring reason why that should change. That said, most relationships come to an end, and there can be difficulty at this stage. At this point, an AS individual can be very resistant to and upset by the end of the relationship or accept such with inappropriate equinimity. Either response can cause distress to the other participant in the relationship.

    You haven't stated whether your granddaughter is AS or NT but I'll consider both possibilities.

    Where as your granddaughter is NT, it seems logical that she is the less vulnerable party.

    Whereas your granddaughter is AS...this can be a mess...I assume you can see it?

    But either way if your granddaughter should find it necessary to end the relationship, even at this stage, I strongly recommend you repost and we will help you manage that process.

    I appologise for the inarticulate expression of these ideas, I reworked the text several times but it seems I had a complexly ecclectic set of points to make...