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Hyper-literal humour I keep coming up with

Maja

- My local bus service has an advertisement currently running that basically reads "kids travel free all August"

*I need to check if there's a limit on the number of young goats I can bring with me on a given journey. 

- Outside an opticians, they've a sign that states: "free eye test with purchase".

*Does the purchase need to be from this company?

*I'd like to buy a lens cleaning cloth please... And may I book the free eye test?

*(If it turns out there's a minimum £££): I'd like to buy these £300 designer frames please, and have my free eye test. ... I'd like a refund on these frames please"

Parents

  • I've got the DPD (courier) notification of a parcel delivery and it says "Please note, your driver is unable to leave this item safe"

    ...and they seem to only apply this to items of value 

    Surely they're the ones they really should leave safely! 

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  • I've got the DPD (courier) notification of a parcel delivery and it says "Please note, your driver is unable to leave this item safe"

    ...and they seem to only apply this to items of value 

    Surely they're the ones they really should leave safely! 

Children